


Take A Step Back

by Batteryafter



Series: Oh, This Time of Day [2]
Category: Day6 (Band), Kpop - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Break Up, Cancer, Cheating, Death, Drugs, Eating Disorders, M/M, Multi, Self Harm, Sexual Abuse, Smut, prequels am I right?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-05-08 08:24:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14690229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batteryafter/pseuds/Batteryafter
Summary: Hello yes I am alive





	1. Scared

Young K picks at the dead skin around his fingernail as he waits for the other members to arrive. He smiles when he hears the studio doors open. Junhyeok skips over to Young K and collides into his chest. Jae and Sungjin roll their eyes at the two as they slide past them. Wonpil flops down in a chair, staring up at Young K. 

“Alright, love birds. We need to get to work, we’re already behind schedule.” Jae splits them up. 

“I’m so tired, I want to get this over with.” Dowoon says, walking in and setting his things on the table. 

Everyone gets serious and begins to work on their recordings. After many long hours, they finally finish for the day. Wonpil, Young K, and Junhyeok all head back to the dorm while the other three go out to the mall. When the three reach the dorms, Junhyeok flops down on the couch. He is surprised when Young K jumps on top of him, wrapping his arms around his waist. Young K buries his face into his chest and smiles, breathing deeply. Junhyeok pets the top of Young K’s head and smiles as he watches Wonpil walk to the kitchen. 

“Does anyone want anything while I’m in here?” Wonpil yells out, opening the fridge. 

“Can you get me a water?” Young K asks. 

Wonpil walks back out with a water bottle in his hand. “Here you go, thirsty boy.” 

“How rude, thank you.” 

Junhyeok whines as Young K sits up to drink the water. He wraps his arms around his waist and buries his face in his shoulder. Young K chokes on his water as Junhyeok surprises him by tickling his side. He jumps up and spits the water on Junhyeok, who yells out and smacks Young K. The two settle down and start to cuddle again. Wonpil plays on his phone while laying across a chair. He looks up at the TV every few minutes but gets bored and goes back to his phone. Young K sits up suddenly and grabs a notebook from the side table. The two watch as he begins to frantically scribble words. Junhyeok looks over his shoulder and smiles. 

“What’s this? New song?” Junhyeok asks. 

“Yeah. I want to save it for when we are a bit more famous.” Young K replies, erasing a mistake. 

“What’s is called?” 

“I’m thinking maybe ‘I Like You’. But again I want to wait so everyone in the world hears how much I like you.” 

“I think I’m going to puke from the cheese that just came from your mouth.” Wonpil jumps in, throwing his phone to his face. 

Junhyeok blushes and looks away, holding his hand over his cheek. Everyone looks up as the front door opens. Jae walks in first, carrying a bag in his hand. Sungjin carries in three more. Dowoon walks in empty handed and everyone questions him. 

“What? I’m broke.” Dowoon shrugs and walks to his room. 

After midnight everyone slowly begins to go to their rooms. Young K hugs Junhyeok and slides his feet to the room. Wonpil is laying in his bed bunk, reading something on his phone. He peeks up from his phone and sees Young K crawling into his bed still in his day clothes. Shortly after Wonpil falls asleep, Junhyeok comes in and hops into the bunk above his. 

In the other room. Jae and Dowoon are sleeping peacefully in the bunk while Sungjin sleeps in his own twin to the side. Jae’s head pops up when he hears someone walking around. He slowly gets out of bed and creeps to the door, checking over his shoulder to see if anyone wakes up. His mind fills with horrible thoughts of getting broken into. He stops himself when he remembers how many locks they have on the door. As he rounds the corner to the living room, he sees a faint figure looking around for something in the dark. Jae somehow gets brave and reaches his hand over to the light switch, turning it on. He’s surprised to see Young K, who has straightened himself and is staring over to Jae. 

“You’re not sneaking out again, are you?” Jae quietly questions him. 

“I’m meeting a friend for a few hours. I won’t get caught.” Young K says, picking up a set of keys from the ground. “There they are! I’ll be back.” 

Young K rushes out of the dorm, closing the door quietly behind him and locking it. Jae stares for a minute before walking to the couch. He grabs his phone that was charging on the side table and plays a game. After about two hours he falls asleep. He woken up by the door opening. His body flies off the couch as he wakes himself up more. Young K looks over to him while leaning against the door frame. Jae checks the time on his phone and gasps slightly. 

“It’s 4am? What the fuck were you doing for that long?” Jae stands up and walks to Young K. He notices his lack of balance. “Have you been drinking or something?” 

“We lost track of time. No I haven’t been drinking.” Young K pulls his face away from Jae’s. 

“You literally reek of booze and you can’t even stand up properly. Who the hell are you even partying with anyway?” 

“It doesn’t matter. We need to go to sleep, we’ve got a busy day of absolutely nothing to do.” 

Jae shakes his head and walks away towards his room, keeping his arms crossed in front of him. Young K stumbles into the table as he makes his way towards the hallway. Once he gets in the room, he tries to quietly sneak back into his bed. He trips on a shoe and falls into the bed frame, cursing under his breath. Junhyeok wakes up and looks around confused. 

“Are you alright?” Junhyeok asks, groaning and rubbing his face. 

“I’m okay, just tripped on a shoe.” Young K replies in a hushed voice. 

Junhyeok sits up quickly and squints. “Did you go out?” 

“No, I went to the living room for a few hours because I couldn’t sleep. I just never changed into sleep clothes.” 

“Maybe you can’t sleep because you aren’t wearing comfy stuff?” 

“That’s a possibility. But go back to sleep, baby I’ll see you in the morning.” 

Young K turns from his stomach, into his back. The sun hits his eyes, making him pull the blanket over his head. He hears the door open but ignores the footsteps towards him. Junhyeok pulls the blanket back and chuckles at how sleepy Young K looks. 

“Oh good, you’re finally awake.” Junhyeok’s eyes crease from smiling. 

“I wouldn’t call this awake.” Young K turns on his side. “Five more minutes.” 

“Buddy, it’s noon.” 

Junhyeok grabs Young K’s arm and pulls him off the bed and onto the ground. Young K groans and pulls Junhyeok down on top of him. He kisses him, grabbing his hips and pulling him forward. Junhyeok moans and kisses him again, pushing Young K’s shirt up. He grinds against Young K’s pants, grabbing at the back of his hair. His body fills with anticipation as Young K pushes him off to unbutton his pants. He does the same, practically ripping them off his body. Young K bites his lower lip and he pulls Junhyeok back on top of him. He pants as Junhyeok grinds hard against him while biting his neck. 

Young K reaches blindly for any form of lube under his bed, thankfully finding a not empty tube. He pulls Junhyeok to his face by his hair and kisses his jawline. Junhyeok grabs the lube and doesn’t hesitate to apply it onto Young K. He lightly strokes him, making him muffle a moan into his hands. Young K grabs him by the waist and places him directly on top of him. Junhyeok bites and kisses Young K’s neck as he slowly pushes into him. He moans into Young K’s shoulder, digging his nails into his skin. The more Young K thrusts forward, the less that Junhyeok can keep quiet. He wraps his arms around Young K’s waist as he speeds up. Young K groans, pulling Junhyeok off of him. He finishes onto his stomach, throwing his head back and panting. 

He sits up and pulls his shirt back down the clean his stomach off. Junhyeok leans against the bed, trying to catch his breath. 

“Well that was fun and unexpected.” Young K smiles, patting Junhyeok’s shoulder. 

They both stand up and straighten themselves out before walking out to the living room. Junhyeok blushes as he sits next to Jae on the couch. He look up to him but he seems to be engrossed in a game in his phone. 

“Yes, we know you just fucked. No, we don’t care.” Jae says, not looking up to him. 

Everyone looks up as Young K announces that he’s going out. Jae can’t keep himself from rolling his eyes as he puts his jacket on. Junhyeok grabs his hand as he walks past the couch and pouts. He whines and begs Young K to stay home for once. 

“I’ll be back soon, don’t worry.” Young K opens the door. “Love you, babe.” 

Junhyeok looks at Jae and sighs. “I really wish he wouldn’t go out so much. I’m worried about him.” 

“Just let him fuck something up. He’ll learn from that fuck up to never do it again.” Jae shrugs not fully sure what he’s trying to say. 

Junhyeok nods and stands up, walking towards the bathroom. He loses balance and bumps into the doorframe. Wonpil looks up and asks if he’s okay. He assures he’s fine and closes the door. A wave of dizziness forces him to sit against the tub. He sits and waits for his nausea to pass, getting up. Wonpil watches again as he walks out, holding his stomach and frowning. Junhyeok stops and smiles at Wonpil so as to not worry him. He takes his phone and walks back to the room. A few moments later, Wonpil comes in and sits on Young K’s bed, staring up to Junhyeok, who is sitting on the top bunk. He pretends Wonpil isn’t staring and happily plays a game on his phone. 

“Are you okay?” Wonpil finally asks. 

“Yeah, I think I’m getting sick. Maybe the flu.” Junhyeok replies, shrugging and pulling his blanket over his legs. “If I fall asleep before Brian comes back, wake up me please.” 

“Uh, sure no problem.” 

Young K walks up the stairs towards the dorm. He stops to check his phone, dropping it hard on the ground. Holding his breath, he slowly picks it up, growling as he sees a large crack across the top of the screen. Jae opens the door and look around, seeing Young K stumbling towards him. He walks out and over to him, grabbing Young K’s arm. Young K breathes heavily before dropping to the ground. Jae curses and panics as Young K loses consciousness. He stands up and rushes back to the dorm. 

“Hey, someone help me! Brian passed out.” Jae yells out to everyone in the living room. 

Sungjin gets up and runs over while the others slowly make their way over. The two pick Young K up by his arms and carry him into the dorm. They take him to his room and carefully lay him down on the bed. Junhyeok wakes up and looks over, confused and concerned. He jumps down and goes over to them. Young K’s abdomen twitches as he tries to get a breath. 

“What happened?” Junhyeok asks, slightly shaking. 

“I don’t know he just passed out when he got up here.” Jae answers, freaked out but annoyed. 

Junhyeok leans over Young K and rest his hand on his abdomen. “Should we go to the hospital?” 

“Just keep an eye on him. He probably partied too much or something.” 

Jae and Sungjin walk out. Wonpil and Dowoon lean into the room to check on Young K. Junhyeok scratches his head as he sits on the edge of the bed. Wonpil walks in and looks at him. He awkwardly sits on his bed. Junhyeok watches Young K’s breathing closely as his chest rises and falls out of rhythm. Young K wakes up, gasping for air and coughing violently. Junhyeok jumps back and widens his eyes. He grabs Young K’s shoulder.

“Baby, are you alright?” Junhyeok wraps his arms around him. 

“I’m fine. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to worry you.” Young K responds, putting his head down. 

“What happened?” 

Young K looks over to Wonpil then to the door. Wonpil gets the hint and leaves. “I’ve lost control, Junhyeok. I’m scared I’m going to hurt myself. Every night I have to go out and get drunk to feel something. Today I got carried away and took this pill my friend gave me. I don’t know why but I enjoyed it and if he were to give me more I would take them in a heartbeat.” He stops when he feels himself choke up. “I’m not sure why I’m even telling you this.” 

“Do you want help? Do you want to get better and not get hooked on whatever the hell you took?” 

“That’s the thing, I don’t think there is a reason to get help. It’s not a problem.”

“Well, drinking heavily is a problem for sure. But either way, I’m here for you no matter what.”

Young K nods and takes his jacket off, still trying not to cry. He looks up at Junhyeok and points to his face. Junhyeok raises an eyebrow before bringing his hand to his nose. When he pulls away he is shocked to see blood. He covers his nose before running out to the bathroom. Young K follows him, unsure if he should be concerned or not. Once he gets to the bathroom door, Junhyeok walks out, holding tissues to him nose. 

“It’s okay, just a bit dry in here.” Junhyeok reassures Young K. 

He slips out of the doorframe and over to the room. Young K raises his eyebrow and walks into the living room. Everyone stares up at him as he goes towards the kitchen. He gets a bottle of water from the fridge before going back to sit down. Jae glares at him, shaking his head when he looks over to him. Young K rolls his eyes and plugs his headphones in, blocking everyone out. 

The next morning, they wake up early to record. Wonpil wakes up first, looking at the other two, sleeping peacefully in their beds. He smiles as he runs and jumps on top of Young K’s bed, yelling for him to wake up. Young K yells, trying to kick Wonpil off. Junhyeok pops his head up and looks around confused. Wonpil gets off the bed. He walks over to the closet and picks his clothes out for the day. The other two slowly start to move. Junhyeok fake cries as he makes his way off the bed and out to the living room. Young K sits up, pulling the covers away from him and rubbing his eyes. 

Wonpil looks over at him as he takes his shirt off and walks to his clothing rack. He matches eyes with Wonpil and they both quickly turn away. Wonpil’s face turns red as he walks towards the corner. He gets dressed and walks out, keeping his head low. Young K stares awkwardly at the door before getting dressed himself. He grabs his phone and walks to the living room. Everyone stands around waiting for their manager to call them down. 

“Where do you want to eat after practice?” Junhyeok asks the group, looking around to see if they heard. 

“Baskin Robbins.” Dowoon smiles. 

“Any adults want to make a suggestion?” 

“Let’s just let the manager pick this time.” Young K says, pulling his jacket over his shoulders. 

Everyone mumbles agreements and they all walk downstairs. They meet the manager outside before piling into the van. They record for the day and talk with the producers about their next music video. Afterwards, everyone goes to a local restaurant to get dinner. 

Junhyeok practically sits on top of Young K, laying his hand over his thigh. Sungjin looks over at Jae and smiles before sitting down next to him. Jae’s head pops up and he stares at Sungjin before his face turns read. He puts his head back down and tries to hide his blushing. 

“What are you blushing about?” Sungjin asks, smiling bigger. 

“You.” Jae boldly replies before covering his face in embarrassment. 

“Wait-“ He chokes slightly. “Me? Why?”

Everyone watches Jae to elaborate. His cheeks burn as he bites the inside of his lip. “I may, perhaps, really like you. Like possibly in love with you?” 

Sungjin stares wide eyed but keeping his smile. His face burns hot as he thinks of something to say. Jae laughs awkwardly, unsure if he should feel embarrassed or not. He waits patiently for Sungjin to say anything. 

“Oh thank god. I thought this was one sided.” Sungjin snorts out. 

Jae eases his shoulders as Sungjin leans closer, grabbing for his hand. He laces his fingers with Jae’s and tries to calm his heartbeat. Everyone claps obnoxiously for the new couple, Dowoon and Wonpil cheering loudly. The two hide their faces with their food. After a few minutes they all go back to normal. Young K and Junhyeok feed each other their own food. Dowoon watches them, trying not to be disgusted by the cuteness. 

Everyone stops eating and looks over to Junhyeok as he drops his drink. The glass shatters and he grabs his wrist, trying to massage it. Young K stands up and quickly pulls Junhyeok away from the broken glass. He worries as Junhyeok doubles over, wrapping his arms around his stomach. As Jae and Sungjin clean up the glass and water, Young K leads Junhyeok to the bathrooms. They walk in and Young K locks the door. He looks over at Junhyeok and notices how pale his skin is and how skinny his face looks. 

“Baby, are you okay?” Young K asks, holding on to Junhyeok to keep his stable. 

“I’m okay, I think I just have the flu or something.” Junhyeok tries to brush it off. 

“Maybe we should take you to the doctor tomorrow. You really don’t look too good and you need to get better.” He pauses, placing his hands on Junhyeok’s waist. “You’ve lost way too much weight.”

“Just stress.” 

“If this is due to stress then you definitely need to go to the doctor.” 

Junhyeok shrugs and kisses Young K before sliding over to the door. Young K helps him walk back to the table, setting him down carefully. Everyone awkwardly watches over Junhyeok as they finish eating. 

The group heads home. Wonpil, Dowoon, and Junhyeok all go to sleep while the other three stay in the living room. Sungjin lays in Jae’s lap across the couch while Young K sits on the floor. He looks at the two and sighs. 

“I’m worried about Junhyeok.” He lowers his voice. “Have you seen how skinny he’s gotten?” 

“I mean he has been eating less, he might be stressed about the album.” Jae says, thinking a bit. “Although, he has been bruising a lot. I just figured you guys were getting kinky.” 

“I’m taking him to the doctor tomorrow just in case it something serious.” 

“I seriously doubt it’s anything other than stress.” 

“Better safe than sorry.” 

Young K stands up and walks to the bedroom. He looks over to Wonpil who has fallen asleep while reading a book. His eyes travel up to the top bunk but is surprised to see it empty. He’s confused until he looks over to his bed. Junhyeok is curled up and a ball and sleeping peacefully. He smiles and crawls in over to him, bringing the covers over his body. His arm wraps around Junhyeok’s waist as he pulls him closer. He sighs as his hand lays against his hip bone. 

The next morning, Young K wakes up before Junhyeok. He looks over and sees that Wonpil isn’t in his bed, assumingly in the living room. Junhyeok whines as he begins to stir awake. He pouts and turns to face Young K before wrapping his arms around his neck. 

“Good morning, baby doll.” Junhyeok says cheerfully yet filled with tiredness. 

“Did you sleep well?” Young K asks, kissing the top of his head, before standing up. “Also don’t forget I’m taking you to the doctor so get dressed ASAP.” 

Junhyeok groans, getting up quickly and rushing to the clothes. It only takes him a few minutes before he’s ready to leave. Young K rushes him out to the car, holding his hand the whole time. 

“I’ve never seen you be this much of a mom in my life.” Junhyeok complains while smiling, secretly enjoying the feeling. 

“My baby is sick-“ Young K pauses. “Oh god, I am a mom.” 

Wonpil lays across the couch with Dowoon sitting at his feet. Dowoon sits back and gets his phone out. Wonpil scoots down and props his feet on top of Dowoon’s shoulder. He looks over and raises an eyebrow but is surprised when Wonpil moves more, placing his foot on his cheek. Dowoon slaps the foot down and lays on top on Wonpil, resting his head on his stomach. Wonpil smiles and wraps his arm around Dowoon. 

“I hate you.” Dowoon pouts. 

“I love my puppy.” Wonpil says, petting Dowoon on the head. 

“I didn’t know Brian was your puppy.” 

“What? You’re my puppy.” 

“Babe, don’t lie. We all see the way you look at him. It’s okay, I’m not upset.” 

“You jealous?” 

“Always.”

Dowoon smiles and turns around, burying his face into Wonpil’s chest. Wonpil sighs as he pulls Dowoon up closer to his face. He kisses him before wrapping his arms tightly around Dowoon’s body. Jae walks in and sees them cuddling. He walks over to them and sit down on top of Dowoon. The two groan and Wonpil shifts, making them both fall onto the floor. 

“Now that I’ve got your attention. Please take you clothes out of the washer.” Jae says to Wonpil before walking towards the kitchen. 

Young K pulls into the parking lot of the closest clinic to their dorms. Junhyeok begins to get nervous as they walk towards the door. He stops just as they reach them. Young K leads him in by the arm, trying not to Mom him too hard. Junhyeok is reluctant at first but he calms down once they reach the check in desk. He gives his information and they wait for a doctor to be available. It feels like hours but eventually they are sent up to the second floor for more paperwork. No matter how much Junhyeok complains, Young K pushes him to continue. 

He watches Junhyeok closely, noticing his skin beginning to pale. Junhyeok fakes a smile and continues the paperwork. Young K asks him of he feel alright but he ignores him. 

“I’m gonna go get you some water. You don’t look too good.” Young K tells Junhyeok. 

Junhyeok nods but stands up with him. Young K attempts to get him to sit back down but he is too stubborn. He makes it halfway to the water cooler before he feels dizzy. Young K sees him sway back and grabs his arm before he falls. 

“This is why I wanted you to sit still.” Young K tries not to get upset. 

“I’m fine really. Don’t-“ Junhyeok is cut off as he stumbles backwards. “Worry.” 

Young K is unable to hold him up as he collapses to the ground. Junhyeok’s skin turns sickly white as he cries in pain. Young K tries not panic but fails when doctors and nurses run out to them. He feels himself start to choke up as he watches Junhyeok lose consciousness. A nurse pushes for them to call an ambulance to take him to the ER. Young K doesn’t hesitate to do so. His body shakes as he walks across the street and up the hill towards the hospital. He hopes Junhyeok will be okay and this will be something he can easily fix.


	2. Broken

Jae watches the clock as Sungjin attempts to cook them dinner. He smiles every time Sungjin turns to look at him, having it fall when he turns around. 

“I know something’s wrong.” Sungjin says over his shoulder. “Do you care to tell me?”

“I think I’ve gained too much weight.” Jae sighs. 

Sungjin turns quickly to face him. “What? No, you haven’t. In fact, you’ve lost a bit.” 

“Not as much as Junhyeok. I wish I could be that skinny and still look good in whatever I wear.” 

“Junhyeok is sick. He can’t help but lose. You are not sick and you need to stay healthy. Okay?” 

Jae nods and Sungjin continues to cook. He can’t help but worry about the nutritional information of the food Sungjin is cooking. When the food is done, Jae forces himself to take a bite. Sungjin watches him chew his food for a strangely long time before finally swallowing. He takes his focus away and begins to eat, stopping once again when Jae drops his fork. Jae sighs and lowers his head. Sungjin jumps to his side as he begins to cry. He rocks him from side to side, trying his best to calm him down. His stomach twists as Jae doubles over and rolls onto the floor. He cries louder, slamming his fist into his thigh. Sungjin wraps his arms around Jae’s body, pulling him off the floor. He carries him to the bedroom and over to his bed.   
Sungjin lays down beside him, pulling him close. 

He rests his hand on Jae’s cheek, wiping away his tears. Jae buries his face into Sungjin’s chest. Sungjin wraps his arm over his head, kissing the top of it. 

Young K sits on the floor of the bathroom, staring at the wall across from him. He holds an envelope addressed to Junhyeok tightly in his hand. His stomach twists as there is a knock on the door. 

“Babe? Are you okay? You’ve been in there for like an hour.” Junhyeok asks through the door. 

Young K stands quickly and opens the door, trying to smile. “Sorry, I spaced out a bit.” 

“Ah, okay” He pauses when he sees the envelope. “What’s that?” 

“Oh-“ He hesitates. “It’s your mail.” 

Junhyeok takes it from Young K. He flips it over to see that it’s from the hospital. His hands shake as he walks away. Young K follows him out to the living room. Everyone sits in their respective spots. They look up as Junhyeok clears his throat and sits in his spot. Young K sits beside him, wrapping his arm around his waist. Everyone looks at the envelope in his hands and stop what they are doing. Junhyeok’s heart pounds as he slowly opens it, afraid to look inside. 

“I can’t look at this.” Junhyeok says, setting it on his lap. 

Jae picks it up and pulls the paper out. He quietly reads it before his face turns white. “I think you need to read this.” 

“Oh, why?” He takes it back and reads. 

He looks down to the ground, crumpling the paper in his hands. Everyone watches as he breaks down, crying hard. He chokes when he tries to take a breath and buries his face in his hands. Young K takes the paper from him, not sure he is reading is correctly. He sets the paper down and wraps his arms tightly around Junhyeok. Jae does the same. Though, the others don’t understand why, they join in on the hug. Dowoon reads the paper from the table and gasps slightly. He picks it and shows the other two. Sungjin begins to cry which makes everyone else cry as well. Junhyeok grabs a glass from the table and throws it hard against the wall. It shatters, making everyone flinch. He yells out but Young K continues to hold him tight. 

“It’s okay. Don’t worry, this isn’t the end of the world.” Young K tries to comfort him. 

“We don’t know that.” Junhyeok replies in a low tone, standing up and walking to the room. 

Junhyeok’s body continues to shake as he crawls into Young K’s bed. He pulls the blanket over his head and begins to cry again. 

Young K stares at the wall, completely in shock. His head sways back as a wave of nausea hits him. He runs to the bathroom and drops to the floor, throwing up as he hits. Wonpil walks in and wraps his arm around Young K’s back. Dowoon watches from the doorway, trying not to feel jealous. Young K turns around and hugs Wonpil tightly, burying his face in his shoulder. He breathes hard, trying not to cry. Wonpil pulls him to his feet, pushing his hair from his face. He keeps his arm around Young K’s body. Dowoon steps in and places a hand on Young K’s shoulder. Wonpil takes his hand just as Young K’s head falls forward. He coughs as he begins to cry. 

He pushes off suddenly and starts ripping through the medicine cabinet. Wonpil and Dowoon watch as he pulls out a small bag that was hidden behind everything. There are two small pills inside. He rips the bag open and pops the pills into his mouth. Wonpil and Dowoon yell out, grabbing him, trying to get him to spit them out. He swallows hard, trying to break free from the two. They keep their grip, making him fall back to the ground. The noise makes everyone run over to them. They watch as the two try to pull Young K back up. He growls, feeling the pills starting to set in. His head falls back, bashing against the tub. Junhyeok jumps, running over and wrapping his arms around him. The two move back, letting him try to get Young K up. 

“The fuck is wrong with him?” Junhyeok asks, frustrated. 

“He took something.” Wonpil replies, crossing his arms. “Two pills I hadn’t seen before.” 

Junhyeok sighs and tells everyone to leave and to close the door. He sits next to Young K, leaning against the tub. Young K tears up and begins to shake. Junhyeok pulls him to his chest and allows him to cry. After ten minutes, the pills have completely set it, making Young K completely useless. Junhyeok’s chest aches as he knows he can’t lift him up. He calls everyone out and they carry him to the living room. He stares at the wall, falling unconscious every few moments. Everyone sits awkwardly, unsure what to do. Junhyeok leans on Dowoon’s shoulder while watching over Young K. He groans in pain, grabbing his wrist. Everyone’s focus shifts to him. 

“Do you need anything?” Sungjin asks him. 

“I’ll be fine. Must have pulled a muscle while lifting him up.” Junhyeok lies. 

“We know you’re lying. Please, just tell us how we can help.” Jae slightly snaps. 

“Sorry.” He lowers his head. “It’s in my bones, I don’t know if there is anything to help.” 

He feels himself get emotional so he stands up to pace around. He feels himself get lightheaded and stops, bracing himself with the wall. His knees give out on him and he collapses to the floor. Jae and Dowoon jump up to go to him. Young K forces himself to stand, wobbling over to them as well. Wonpil hops up and tries to get Young K to sit but he falls as well. 

“What a fucking shitshow.” Wonpil whispers under his breath. 

Junhyeok wakes up in Wonpil’s bed, confused. He looks around to see Young K’s bed empty. When he stands, he notices Wonpil in his bed. He walks out of the room, surprised to see Young K on the ground in an awkward position. As he approaches him, Jae walks out into the living room. They make eye contact then both look at Young K. Jae mumbles under his breath before walking to the kitchen. 

He sits at the table and drinks a cup of water. Junhyeok begins to walk over but stops when he feels nauseous. Jae watches him grab his stomach and try to run to the kitchen sink. He misses, puking on the floor instead. Jae gasps and steps back. His first instinct is to grab Junhyeok and pull him back. He stops when he notices red specks in the pool of stomach acid. 

“Shit. There’s blood, Junhyeok.” Jae yells quietly, trying not to wake anyone up. 

He stands Junhyeok up and takes him towards the door. They both put their shoes on and Jae grabs the keys. His eyes adjust poorly to the light in the hallway, trying to blindly push Junhyeok down towards the parking lot. They climb into the car and drive towards the hospital. Jae watches over Junhyeok as he drives, careful to see any changes. 

“Do you feel warm? Cold? Do you feel like you’re going to puke again? Any pain or swelling of any lymph nodes?” Jae questions. 

“Jae, what are you doing?” Junhyeok raises his brow. “I’m already gonna get asked those questions by the doctor.” 

“Listen, if you are sick we need to know as your friends. So we know when it’s time to take you to the doctor. I really don’t want to see you pass out or puke everyday.” 

“Look, I know you’re trying to be helpful but it’s not necessary.” He pauses as Jae pulls into the lot. “I’m not sure I even want to get treatment.” 

“What? Why? The cancer you have is easily curable!” 

“I just don’t think I’m strong enough to go through with all the treatments and chemo and Brian is becoming stressful with the whole pills thing. I’m just tired.” 

Jae stares for a few seconds. “Do you want me to drive you back to the apartment? I’m not going to force you to go. I just panicked and well you didn’t fight back so I assumed it was alright.” 

“No, it’s okay. I’ll go in and check just in case. Puking blood isn’t really a symptom so I’d like to know what’s wrong. But thanks for understanding.” 

“Oh, I don’t understand. I want to rip you out this car and force you into treatment but I’m not. Because it’s not what you want. But trust me, I know why you told me this instead of Brian.” 

Junhyeok nods, putting his head down. He bites his lip before getting out of the car. Jae gets out with him, walking carefully across the parking lot. He holds him up by the arm even though he is perfectly able to stand on his own. 

Wonpil wakes up to Dowoon poking at his side. He giggles and drops into the bottom bunk to hide. Wonpil jumps down and gets on top of Dowoon, tickling him. Dowoon squeals out, trying to push Wonpil off. When he can’t grab his arms, he wraps around his head instead. He pulls him forward and kisses him. Wonpil continues to tickle him, stopping to kiss him back every few seconds. Dowoon wraps his legs around Wonpil’s back, forcing him down. Wonpil stops and grinds against him, biting Dowoon’s bottom lip. 

Dowoon squeals again as Wonpil bites at his ear. Wonpil smirks but is surprised when Dowoon reaches up and pulls the back of his hair. The two groan and let out aw’s as Sungjin opens the door. 

“Sorry not sorry. Can we please, like, move the boy in the living room? I keep tripping on him.” Sungjin says, annoyed. 

Dowoon practically throws Wonpil off him and sits up. He smacks Wonpil’s back as he begins to stand. Wonpil pulls him off the bed. The three drag their feet out to the living room. They stop when they see Young K turn over onto his back and stare at the ceiling. Wonpil walks to him as he loudly cracks his neck. 

“Fuck.” Young K whispers, covering his face with his hands. He quickly sits up. “Shit, where’s Junhyeok?” 

“At the hospital with Jae.” Sungjin tells him. 

He shoots up, widening his eyes. “What? What happened?” 

“I guess Junhyeok threw up but there was blood so Jae took him.” 

Young K panics and grabs his keys, running out without another word. Sungjin rolls his eyes and walks to his room. Dowoon jumps slightly as he hears the door slam. He looks to Wonpil who is awkwardly shifting around. They stare for a few seconds before walking back to the bedroom. 

Junhyeok and Jae jump awake as Young K bursts through into the room in the ER. He glares at Jae as he walks in. Junhyeok sits up quickly, trying to calm Young K down. 

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me you needed to go to the fucking hospital?” Young K doesn’t care that he’s screaming. 

“I-I didn’t want to worry you.” Junhyeok’s voice shakes. 

“Plus, your dumb ass took drugs and passed out on the living room floor. So I decided to be the fucking responsible one and take my best fucking friend to the hospital because he was puking blood.” Jae yells back, standing up. “You should be thankful that someone is fucking caring for your boyfriend while you fuck yourself up!” 

“Hey! Please, don’t fight.” Junhyeok puts his face in his hands. 

“I can care for him on my own!” Young K gets in Jae’s face. 

Jae grabs Young K’s collar. “I haven’t seen you do that once since his diagnosis. You’re doing a piss poor job of caring.” 

Jae grunts as Young K pushes him back into the wall. He straightens himself and lunges at Young K, pushing him into the door. Junhyeok yells out, begging for them to stop. Young K rips out of Jae’s grasp and punches him in the face. Junhyeok lets out a cry and covers his mouth. He gets out of the bed and runs behind Young K, attempting to pull him back. Jae punches Young K in the stomach. Young K blindly throws Junhyeok off of him, making him stumble back. The two stop and turn towards Junhyeok as they hear a loud crash. 

Junhyeok lays motionless on the ground on his side. Young K drops down to his knees and places his hand on Junhyeok’s waist. 

“Ah. Shit.” Young K freaks out. “Junhyeok? Baby, wake up!” 

Jae pulls his jacket back on his shoulder and walks behind Young K. He grabs him by the back of his shirt and pulls him back. “Get the fuck away from him.” 

He watches as Jae picks Junhyeok up and places him on the bed. Junhyeok mumbles something, keeping his arms wrapped around Jae’s body. Jae tries to slowly get him off but fails. He is surprised when Junhyeok asks him to lie next to him. Young K picks his keys up and leaves, slamming the door hard behind him. Jae apologizes and lays beside Junhyeok, wrapping his arm around him and rubbing his back. 

“It’ll be okay. Just give him some time.” Jae whispers. 

Junhyeok begins to cry into Jae’s chest, curling himself into the fetal position. 

Sungjin sits in the kitchen, staring out the window. He doesn’t look away as Jae walks into the room, sitting next to him. 

“What do you want for dinner?” Sungjin asks, quietly. 

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll make something for myself.” Jae tells him. “I need to do a few things at the studio anyway.” 

“Are you sure? I can make you a lunch box or something?” 

Jae nods and smiles. “I’m good.” 

Sungjin chooses to believe him for some reason, looking up as Young K walks in. He stops and glares over to Jae. Jae continues to stare out the window. Sungjin suddenly notices the bruises on each other their faces. He looks at Jae’s knuckles and notices how torn up they are. Young K starts to walk towards the counter but stops when Jae whispers something under his breath. Sungjin jumps back when Young K lunges at Jae, pulling him off the chair. Jae yells and elbows Young K in the side. Young K gets on top of Jae and punches him in the face over and over. Jae manages to get a few hits in before Sungjin jumps in. He rips Young K off of Jae and pushes him into the fridge. 

“What the fuck is your problem?” Sungjin yells loud enough for the whole apartment to hear. 

Jae stands up and glares. “I’m tired of him pretending like he’s the best boyfriend in the world to Junhyeok.”

“I’m the only boyfriend he’s had. I care about him more than anyone of you.” Young K sneers. 

“Then fucking act like it!” Jae screams, before walking out. 

He stops when he rounds the corner. Junhyeok stands there with tears in his eyes. Jae puts his head down to hide the wounds on his face. Junhyeok looks over as Young K walks out, holding a towel to his bloody lip and nose. His lip quivers as a tear streams down his cheek. Young K continues on, ignoring Junhyeok. Junhyeok jumps as he hears Sungjin curse from the kitchen and throw something across the room. He stops when Junhyeok slowly comes in. 

“I’m sorry.” Is all Sungjin can say before leaving. 

Junhyeok chokes up before walking towards the room. Wonpil pushes past him in the hallway, running towards the bathroom. He runs back out with a towel, completely panicked. Junhyeok hesitates to go into the room, playing with the cloth of his shirt. He hears Young K crying and coughing through Wonpil’s yells. All he sees as he walks in is Wonpil being thrown back into the bunk bed. Dowoon runs in as he hears Wonpil’s pained cry. He looks over to Young K and turns white. His arm is completely covered in blood and cuts. Dowoon helps Wonpil up and sits him on the bed, feeling a knot form on his head. 

Junhyeok runs over and grabs the towel from the ground, trying to clean the wounds. Young K tries to push him off but Junhyeok scream at him. He gets quiet and stares at him in shock. Junhyeok grabs Young K’s arm and holds the towel over the cuts. 

“I’m getting tired of this, Brian.” Junhyeok whispers under his breath. “You’ve stressed me to the point of puking blood and how do you respond? By punching my best friend.” He speaks through his teeth while cleaning the blood away. “Now you’ve hurt yourself and I have to pick you back up.”

Once the blood is cleaned away, Junhyeok looks at the depth of the cuts. He looks up to Young K, feeling his heart sink. Young K cries loudly and pulls Junhyeok close. He hugs him tightly, apologizing as Junhyeok whines from pain. 

Jae sits at his desk, picking at his lip. He finds a crust of blood and scrapes it off, rolling his eyes. Sungjin walks in and tries to get him to speak. When he fails, he pulls Jae’s face up to look at the wounds. 

“Is this really only over Junhyeok?” Sungjin asks. 

Jae sighs heavily and shakes his head. “A few days ago, I caught Brian with Wonpil. He made me promise not to tell Junhyeok.”

“Like, you caught them-“ 

“Having sex. When Junhyeok and Dowoon went out to lunch with the videographer.” 

Dowoon slides his back down the wall onto the floor. He pulls his knees to his chest, feeling a lump form in throat. His eyes turn red as Wonpil walks out to the hallway. Wonpil is concerned when he tries to see what wrong. Dowoon yells and pushes Wonpil in the chest. He falls backwards and questions. Jae and Sungjin walk out of the room to see what’s happening. Dowoon cries, pulling himself into Wonpil’s chest. Wonpil stares, mouth open, in utter confusion. Jae curses under his breath and runs towards Young K’s room. 

Young K and Junhyeok hold each other on the bed. The two look up as Jae glares at Young K.

“Brian, I need to talk to you. Right now.” His voice is serious. 

Young K walks out and Jae makes him go out to the laundry room. “What’s wrong?” 

“Dowoon found out about you and Wonpil.” 

“What the fuck! Did you tell him?” 

“No! But he isn’t taking it well and I think you better make this right.” 

“What do I do? God, I’m such a fuck up. Junhyeok can’t find out.” 

“Well, do something before Dowoon tells him.” 

Young K rushes to the hallway, scared that Junhyeok will come out. Dowoon looks up to him and twitches. Wonpil grabs Dowoon by the arm as he tries to run at Young K. Young K leans down beside Wonpil, leaning on the wall opposite Dowoon. He sighs and thinks for a minute, unsure of what to say exactly. Dowoon stares at Wonpil, face stained with tears. 

“I’m done with you.” Dowoon says, twitching a breath. 

“What?” Wonpil’s face falls. “What did I do?” 

“He knows, Wonpil.” Young K says quietly, checking to make sure Junhyeok isn’t there. 

“Dowoon, please, that was a mistake. I was stupid. I regretted it ever since. You’re the only person I love. You’re my puppy.” Wonpil chokes up. 

“Shut up! Don’t call me that again. From now on, we are band mates and band mates only.”

Dowoon stands up and walks away. Young K watched him to make sure he doesn’t go to Junhyeok. He slams the door closed. Wonpil leaps on top of Young K, holding him by the shirt. 

“How the fuck did he find out?” Wonpil growls out. 

“I didn’t tell him!” Young K puts his hands up in defense. 

He is taken aback when Wonpil punches him in the face. “Maybe now my feeling for you can end.” 

Young K pushes Wonpil off and walks to the living room. Without a word, he leaves. Junhyeok stumbles out and questions everyone. Wonpil shakes his head and walks to the room. Jae smiles and tells Junhyeok to sit on couch with him. He does, leaning on Jae’s shoulder. 

“One day, I won’t be here and I’m scared that everything will fall apart when it happens.” Junhyeok says. “I’m not saying I keep everything together because I clearly don’t. But I don’t want you guys to quit just because I’m gone.” 

“I don’t have any intentions of leaving. All his tension will ease soon. I know it stresses you and I wish you didn’t have to see it.” Jae hugs him. 

“There’s a part of me that wishes this process would speed up. So I can’t just relax.” 

A tear rolls down Jae’s cheek. “I wish you would get treatment but I don’t want you to suffer any longer than you have been.” 

“I’ve never been in this much pain. Jae, I’m afraid that when I die, Brian will become a monster. I know it seems like he is right now but I know everything is just stressful for him. He does treat me well but he’s completely in denial. That’s what scares me the most.” 

“Hey, stop saying ‘when you die’. You don’t know if you will or not.” 

“At my doctors appointment today, they told me that it’s extremely advanced and already spreading to my organs. I maybe have a month left.” 

“Why didn’t you tell anyone? Are just gonna keep quiet until one day we find you dead?” 

“I haven’t really thought that far. I’m actually really scared and I don’t know how to deal with this.” 

“Well.” Jae rubs his arm. “I’m here for you. I don’t exactly understand but I want you to feel comfortable in life and death. We don’t need you coming back to haunt our asses.”

“I think I’d haunt you just for fun.”


	3. Crashing

Dowoon flicks a pen in his fingers, while sitting in the meeting room of the office. He doesn’t notice the rest of the boys walking in. They all sit down and begin their work. Dowoon jumps as he looks up and Wonpil is sitting across from him. Wonpil is only concerned with his paperwork. His pen runs out of ink so he asks to borrow Sungjin’s. Dowoon puts his head down and stares at the paper. He grabs it before growling and walking out. Everyone looks up as he leaves, shutting the door hard behind him. 

“Oh, Junhyeok, how was your visit back home?” Young K asks to break the silence. 

“It was good, a bit too emotional for my liking, though. I’d much rather be here with you guys.” Junhyeok answers before things get silent again. 

After they finish their work, Jae suggests getting dinner for everyone instead of cooking. Everyone agrees and head out towards the strip. Young K points out a noodle shop a few blocks from their dorm.

“Dowoon probably won’t like that on such a hot day. Unless they have cold noodles.” Wonpil says, shrugging. 

“I mean. Probably?” Young K replies. “It’s a pretty big place, if they don’t, we can find another one that has them.” 

“If they don’t, I’ll find something he will like. It’s okay. If anything, I’ll get him something from the cafe across the street.” 

“Can’t you just text him and ask what he wants?” 

“He won’t answer me.” 

Young K rolls his eyes and walks into the restaurant. The rest pile in behind him, staring up at the menu. Wonpil sighs as he doesn’t see anything Dowoon would like. He throws his hands up before walking out towards the cafe. The three shake their heads collectively before ordering their food. After about 20 minutes of waiting, Wonpil walks back in. He is holding two bags, one with food and the other with drinks. They all begin to walk back to the dorm after the three get their food. 

Dowoon looks up from the couch as Young K pushes the front door open. He looks back at his phone when Wonpil walks in. Wonpil walks up to him and holds the bags out. At first Dowoon ignores him. When he finally looks, he is surprised to see the food. He slowly takes it, biting the inside of his lip to keep from smiling. Wonpil sets the drinks in front of him, pulling them from the bag. Dowoon stares in slight shock, seeing his favorite food and drink from the cafe. He smiles but it quickly turns to a pout as he turns away from Wonpil. 

“I knew you’d like it.” Wonpil says, smiling. 

“You knew my favorite things from there.” Dowoon replies quietly. 

“Of course, I did. I pay attention to you, believe it or not.” 

“Shut up. Stop making me happy.” Dowoon hides his smile again. 

Wonpil leans down to meet Dowoon face to face. “I see that smile. I like making my puppy happy.” 

Dowoon’s face falls into his hands and he whines out. Wonpil sits on the floor in front of him. He places his hands on Dowoon’s arms and pulls them away from his face. Dowoon watches as he kisses his palm. His body tingles and he rests his head on Wonpil’s. Everyone watches from the kitchen as his lip begins to quiver. A tear rolls down his cheek. Wonpil looks up and kisses him. Dowoon’s body slides off the couch and he falls into Wonpil’s chest. Wonpil places a hand on his head, laying backwards on the floor. He pulls Dowoon more into his chest. 

Young K pulls the food from their bags and hands them to the right people. Jae sets his down and tells everyone he’ll eat later. Sungjin grabs his wrist as he begins to walk away. 

“Hey, please eat.” Sungjin worries, not letting go. 

“I’m not very hungry.” Jae lies, fighting his hunger pangs. 

“Are you feeling okay? You’ve been losing a lot of weight lately.” Junhyeok asks. 

“Jae, you’ve starved yourself for 2 days straight. Please, for me, eat something. This is getting dangerous.” 

“You haven’t eaten in 2 days? What the fuck, Jae? You’re going to seriously hurt your body.” Young K jumps in, glaring over. “We don’t even have anything for you to lose weight for. Not like you’d need to, anyway.” 

“I’m not starving myself. I just haven’t been hungry.” He continues to lie, getting frustrated with all the attention. “Fine. I’ll eat some when it cools down.” 

Sungjin sighs and walks to the dining area. He sets his food down heavily, unwrapping it. Young K joins him, leaving Junhyeok and Jae in the kitchen. Jae plays with the plastic on his food. He grabs his phone and walks to his room. Sungjin drops his utensils down and holds his head. He places the plastic back over the food, getting up and taking it to the fridge. Young K looks back at Junhyeok as he takes Sungjin’s place. They watch Sungjin walk to the room, slamming the door. Everyone jumps at the noise, staring towards the room. Young K looks over to Junhyeok and smiles 

“Hey, love you.” He says, awkwardly. 

“Yeah, I love you too, babe.” Junhyeok replies, still looking at the door. “I’ll talk to Jae later.” 

Young K nods and everyone begins to eat. Wonpil and Dowoon have their dinner on the floor while constantly looking up at each other. 

After dinner, Junhyeok starts to clean up. Jae slowly walks out of the room, watching as everyone looks over. He smiles and goes to the fridge, taking his food out. Junhyeok raises a brow and looks at him curiously. Jae sits at the table and unwraps the bowl. He eats with no problems, prompting everyone to go back to their own business. Sungjin opens the door and peeks his head out to see if Jae is eating. When he sees, he closes the door again. Junhyeok sits across from Jae but doesn’t say anything. He watches as Young K picks his jacket and keys up, walking out the door without a word. Junhyeok drops his head to the table and lets out an annoyed scream. Jae looks up, shocked by the noise. 

“I’m gonna follow him one day to see what he’s doing.” Junhyeok sighs.

“Why not go now?” Jae suggests, holding his keys from the table up. 

Junhyeok thinks for a few seconds before grabbing the keys and running out, barely remembering his shoes. He sneakily rushes to Jae’s car, about 4 spots down from Young K’s. Young K pulls out of the lot as Junhyeok drives to the exit. He follows close behind but keeping at least one car in between. Not once does Young K suspect he’s being followed, turning down a backroad. Junhyeok doesn’t hesitate to follow. It’s common for people to take this road so seeing a car behind him wasn’t odd. He pulls over when Young K pulls into a driveway. Young K walks to the front door and goes inside without knocking. Junhyeok sits and watches, trying to see through the windows. 

Young K walks through the empty house, checking over his shoulder every few minutes. He sneaks into a bedroom, seeing his friend on the ground beaten and covered in blood. Junhyeok sees his shadow move around behind the curtain. He ducks down when he sees Young K run out of the front door. Young K almost trips as he rushes back to his car. He looks around, seemingly panicked. Junhyeok is confused as Young K speeds off. He follows, keeping a safe distance but speeding as well, towards the freeway.

Young K curses loudly as he looks in his rear view mirror and sees Junhyeok. His hands shake as he throws a baggie of pills out the window. Junhyeok swerves as they hit his windshield. He quickly changes lanes to keep himself from crashing. Young K watches as Junhyeok passes him. Junhyeok isn’t even focused on Young K anymore, just on finding somewhere to pull over. He slows down and matches Young K’s speed. His heart sinks as he sees Young K crying and shaking. He looks closer to see blood on his shirt. He signals for Young K to pull over but he’s too hysterical to pay attention. 

Junhyeok signals again, looking forward and seeing a car suddenly stopped ahead. He yelps and slams on the break. Young K looks over as he hears tires squealing. He watches Junhyeok lose control of the car and skid into the guardrail. Junhyeok flies forward, feeling the airbag hit his face as it goes off. The car stops and Junhyeok stares, shaking and gripping the steering wheel. Young K pulls over and screams a hysterical cry out. He runs to the car and opens the door. Junhyeok’s hands fall as he calmly unbuckles his seatbelt. Young K quickly but carefully pulls him out. He limps to Young K’s passenger side, sitting down, still in shock. Junhyeok doesn’t even notice his nose bleeding from the airbag until he looks down at his shirt. 

“Brian.” Junhyeok whispers. “Did you do something bad?” 

“Just relax, baby. I’ll take you to the hospital after the police get here. Why did you take Jae’s car?” Young K asks, trying not to panic. 

“You didn’t answer my question.” 

“I didn’t do anything. Please, I don’t want to talk about that right now.” He leans in front of Junhyeok. “Does anything hurt? Did you hit your head?” 

Junhyeok doesn’t answer, staring at the ground instead. A police car pulls behind the wreck. The officer gets out and meets Young K halfway. They discuss the accident and the officer goes back to do this paperwork. Young K calls Jae. 

Jae picks up his phone and is surprised to hear Young K so panicked. He explains about the accident and that the car is in bad shape but not totaled. 

“I don’t care about my car. Is Junhyeok okay? He should go to the hospital.” Jae says into the phone. 

Sungjin looks up when Jae says this. He leans in and tries to listen to the conversation more. Dowoon and Wonpil wake up from falling asleep on the floor. They see Jae and Sungjin standing up and running to the door. The two question them. 

“Junhyeok got into an accident.” Jae quickly puts his shoes on. 

Dowoon and Wonpil stand up and run out the door with the two without hesitation. They are all on edge as they drive to the scene. Jae carefully pulls off in front of Young K’s car. He gets out and rushes over to Junhyeok. 

“I’m sorry about your car.” Junhyeok breaks down. “This is so stupid. Why did it have to be me? Why did that person stop so suddenly? Why couldn’t I have paid attention? I crashed my best friend’s car.” 

“Hey, shh, no. This isn’t your fault. If anything, I told you to take my car.” Jae tries to calm him down. “I’m just glad you’re okay. Despite the glass in your arm and the bloody nose.” 

Junhyeok looks at his arm. “Oh shit, I didn’t even notice the glass. Did the window shatter? I didn’t even look at the car.” 

“We’ll figure out the damages later. Just let Brian take you to the hospital.” 

Junhyeok agrees, getting into the car fully. Jae shuts the door. He turns and hugs Young K, feeling his body shake. Young K gets in his car and begins to drive to the hospital. At first it’s quiet as they both stare at the road ahead of them. Young K is startled as Junhyeok begins to speak.

“Whose blood is that?” He asks coldly. 

Young K hesitates, feeling himself get sick. “My friend’s. I went to his place and he was lying on the floor like he was attacked. I-I wanted to get help but I heard a noise and panicked.” He pauses. “I’m so stupid. He could be dead, now.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s not your fault. I just wish you didn’t follow me because then you wouldn’t have been in an accident and you wouldn’t have seen me like this.” 

“What did you throw out of the window, Brian?” He waits for answer. “Answer me, please. You could have caused an accident.” 

“It- they were pills. I went to his house to get them.” 

Junhyeok puts his head down and begins to cry. His tears burn as they hit where the airbag burned his cheek. Young K says nothing as he pulls into the entrance of the hospital. Junhyeok gets out and walks over to the entrance without a word. Young K runs towards him, trying to hold him by his arm so he doesn’t fall. He grabs Junhyeok by the waist when he begins to lose his balance. 

They walk into the ER and everyone turns to look at Junhyeok. He awkwardly walks to the administration and the nurse widens her eyes. She asks for his information and the reason for coming. Young K interrupts Junhyeok to tell her about his cancer. The nurse tells them to sit while a bed becomes ready. Within just a few minutes, a doctor call out for Junhyeok. Young K clings to him as they go to the room. 

Jae sits on the road, staring at the car and its damages. He thinks for a while in silence, unsure of what to do. Sungjin slides beside him and nudges him with his foot. 

“We’ll get you a new car.” Sungjin says, trying to make him feel better. 

“It’s not about the car.” Jae replies. “Did Brian seem a little weird to you?” 

“I don’t know, I didn’t pay attention to him. Why?” 

“It looked like he had dried blood on his clothes.” 

“I mean, Junhyeok was kinda bleeding. Shouldn’t that put two and two together?” 

“Junhyeok’s blood wasn’t even dried on his own clothes.” 

“I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation. He did not murder anyone.” 

“Shut up, that’s not what I’m saying.” 

Junhyeok winces as the doctor begins to take the glass from his arm. He tries to distract himself by look up at Young K, who is on his phone. Young K notices Junhyeok and gives him a comforting smile. He mouths an ‘I love you’ and sits down, putting his phone on the counter. Junhyeok cries out as the doctor wipes his arm clean. He sits patiently as the doctor checks for any other injuries. Junhyeok feels a rush through his head and falls back, the doctor catching him. Young K jumps up and wraps his arm around Junhyeok. 

“Because of your cancer, I want to admit you overnight for observation. Just to see if the impact caused any cells to overreact. Is that alright?” The doctor asks, still holding Junhyeok up. 

He nods and the doctor walks out to start his paperwork. Young K leans down in front of Junhyeok and clears his bangs from his eyes. 

“Will you be alright if I went back to the dorm after you get admitted?” Young K asks, just wanting to lay down and sleep. “Will you be okay by yourself?”

Junhyeok nods again, slowly feeling the anxiety creep up on him. He worries that Young K will learn how advanced the cancer is and overreact. After about an hour of waiting, there is a room ready for Junhyeok. He stands up and kisses Young K before making his way to the room. His heart pounds slightly from the thought of being hospitalized and being alone. A nurse encourages Junhyeok to sit in a wheelchair after he stumbles forward. Young K watches him, concerned for his health. 

Wonpil walks into the kitchen as Young K comes home. Young K looks around, confused by how quiet the dorm is. 

“There was a business meeting.” Wonpil tells him before getting a glass for water. 

“So they’ll be out until like 5am? Great.” Young K sighs. 

“Where’s Junhyeok? Did they keep him overnight?” 

Young K nods, groaning as he takes his jacket off. He walks to the fridge and pulls his leftovers out. Wonpil’s eyes travel down to Young K’s arms, seeing all the healing cuts as well as a very fresh looking cut. His face falls, grabbing Young K by his wrist and pulling him in for a hug. Young K is confused at first but relaxes as Wonpil doesn’t let go. He pushes into Wonpil harder, trying not to cry. Wonpil rocks him from side to side, pulling away and leading him to the couch. Young K puts his head in his hands, holding his breath. A sharp pain forces him to fall into Wonpil’s side. He apologizes but Wonpil just puts his arms around him. 

“Why don’t you go to bed? It’s late and you’ve had a stressful day.” Wonpil suggests, resting his head on Young K’s. “Or maybe take a shower.”

“I don’t think I can believe that he’s not going to be here one day.” Young K whispers. 

Wonpil sighs and smells Young K’s breath. “Did you drink?” 

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything else did you? I saw the cut on your arm.”

Wonpil stands Young K up and leads him to the bathroom. He turns the shower on and helps Young K take his clothes off. His heart hurts as he sees more cuts on his shoulder. He checks the water to make sure it’s hot enough before telling Young K to take his shower. Young K thanks him quietly before he walks out, closing the door behind him. 

They’re keeping me overnight 

Is Brian with you?

No, I’m alone. Kinda anxious. 

I can be there in 10 minutes if you need me

That’s up to you

Jae looks around to everyone and tells them all that he is leaving. They ask why but he just brushes it off. He walks out and hails a taxi. The ride to the hospital is very short as Jae is too drunk to pay attention to the time. He gets out and stumbles through the doors, texting Junhyeok for the room number. Junhyeok replies almost instantly. Jae makes his way towards the room. He smiles as he walks in. Junhyeok looks up and coughs, holding his arms out for a hug. He falls into his arms and breathes deeply. 

“I’m sorry you had to leave for me.” Junhyeok puts his head down. 

“It didn’t have to, I chose to. You’re my friend and I love you.” Jae replies, rubbing his arm. 

“I love you too.” 

Junhyeok goes to grab for Jae’s hand but he feels too weak. Jae forces a smile before taking his hand. He lifts it up to his lips and kisses it, sending a spark through Junhyeok’s body. His voice cracks as he asks Jae to lay down next to him like he did before. Jae stands up and takes his jacket off, crawling next to Junhyeok, careful to not pull at any wires or tubes. He rests his head on Junhyeok’s shoulder, wrapping his arm around his waist. Junhyeok stares at Jae, almost gasping when he looks up at him. He places his hand on Jae’s neck, pulling his forward. Jae closes his eyes and relaxes his body as Junhyeok’s lips touch his. He instinctively kisses him, pushing into him slightly. Sparks fill both of their bodies and Junhyeok pulls himself more towards Jae. Their bodies shake as electricity runs through them. Jae holds the back of Junhyeok’s head, his fingers twisting through his hair. Junhyeok holds his breath as he begins to cry. He doesn’t pull away, pushing himself deeper against Jae’s lips. 

Jae finally pulls away and wipes Junhyeok’s tears away. He kisses him again before laying his head down on the pillow. Junhyeok sniffles and does the same, falling asleep quickly. Jae wakes up the next morning, still holding onto Junhyeok. He sits up slightly and looks at the chair beside him. Young K sits there, staring over at the two, with his arms crossed. He smiles but it quickly falls when he looks down to the ground. Jae sits up completely and carefully stands. Junhyeok wakes up and coughs, widening his eyes when he sees Young K. 

“Oh, good morning, baby.” Junhyeok stretches.

“I asked you if you would be okay by yourself and you said yes.” Young K replies quietly. 

“I wanted to come when he said he was alone. He didn’t ask me to.” Jae says, clearing his throat and pulling his jacket from behind Young K.

“If he didn’t ask, then you shouldn’t have come.” 

“I’m not gonna sit and get drunk while my best friend is scared and alone in a hospital bed. What were you doing while he was here? You seem to never be there when he needs you the most.” 

Young K stands up and walks out, shaking his head. Junhyeok begs Jae not to follow him but he apologizes before leaving. He walks behind Young K all the way towards his car. Young K stops before unlocking the doors, glaring at Jae. He storms over to him, stopping when he is just in front of him. Jae anticipates Young K to attack him, flinching as he begins to jump forward. He is surprised when Young K collapses in his chest, falling to his knees. Jae catches him but ends up falling as well. He holds Young K tightly as he hyperventilates. Young K cries and shakes, pushing himself more into Jae’s chest. 

“I can’t do this. I can’t lose him.” Young K cough. “Why is this happening to us?” 

“Hey, shh, you aren’t gonna lose him.” Jae holds him close. “Just breathe. Calm down, Younghyun. I’ve got you.” 

Young K lets out a scream, punching the side of his car. Jae grabs his hand and holds it down, pulling him close again. He feels Young K’s body temperature rise quickly and makes him take his jacket off. Young K fights at first but eventually lets him. Something falls out of the left pocket. Jae stares at the cuts. His eyes travel to the ground to the small baggie. He slowly picks it up and sighs. Young K doesn’t notice at all so he just simply puts them in his pocket, not saying anything. He looks at Young K and freezes. 

His face is completely pale and his head is slumped forward. Jae pulls him back, making him fall into the car. He collapses to the side, head hitting the pavement. Jae shakes and stands, attempting to pick Young K up. He looks around frantically, trying to find help, as he doesn’t want to leave him alone in the parking lot. Young K’s chest twitches as he attempts to take a breath. Jae picks him back up and rests him against the car door. He blow on his face to try to cool him down. Young K takes sharp breaths, slowly grabbing Jae’s wrist. Jae unlocks the car and slowly stands Young K up, placing him in the passenger’s seat. Young K shakes as he buries his face in his hands. 

Jae sighs as he gets in the driver’s seat, starting the car. He drives back to the dorm, trying to figure out what emotions he should be feeling. The two walk into the dorm, ignoring each other as well as the other three. Young K goes to his room and collapses onto the bed. His body forces him to sleep. 

The next morning he’s woken up by Junhyeok walking in. Junhyeok makes a surprised noise when Young K sits up suddenly. 

“Baby, come lay down with me.” Young K holds an arm out, trying to reach 

Junhyeok chuckles and crawls in bed beside Young K. He wraps his arm around Young K’s waist. Young K lets out a happy whine, burying his head in Junhyeok’s chest. 

“I love you. I don’t ever want to let you go.” Young K sighs. “Let’s just stay like this forever.”


	4. Hurt

“I just don’t feel well. I think I’m gonna stay back.” Junhyeok tells everyone, keeping a hand on his stomach. 

The five nod but hesitate to leave for an event. He reassures them all that it’s okay and that he’ll relax at home. Young K walks over to him and kisses his forehead. Everyone yells out goodbyes as they walk out of the dorm. Junhyeok sighs and makes his way back to the bedroom, laying on Wonpil’s bed. 

Young K’s stomach twists as he sits at the table. The other members are deep in their phones. Junhyeok texts him hearts to let him know he’s okay. Everyone gets distracted as other groups come over to greet them and says hi. Young K forgets about Junhyeok the longer the event goes on. He looks up and meets eyes with Wonpil. They both awkwardly look away, Wonpil laughing at something Dowoon said. Young K looks to Jae and Sungjin but they are focused on talking with Jinyoung. He sighs and plays a game on his phone to pass the time. 

After another hour, everyone is ready to leave. They all wave to fans that are standing outside as they quickly make their way to the van. Young K’s leg shakes as they get closer to the dorm. Jae sets his hand over it to make him stop. 

“Hey, what are you so anxious about?” Jae asks. 

“I don’t know. Junhyeok, I guess.” Young K responds, forcing his leg to stop. 

Jae doesn’t respond. He puts his head down as he is worried too. Everyone is quiet as they ride to the dorm. Wonpil and Dowoon laugh to each other, making their way to the mattress on the floor beside the couch. Jae sits at the kitchen table. Young K slowly makes his way to the bedroom, opening the door and peeking in. He turns the light on. Junhyeok lays in Wonpil’s bed in the fetal position. Young K walk over to him and shakes him slightly to wake him up. He feels uneasy as he doesn’t wake up. Junhyeok’s body is limp as Young K rolls him over. Blood from his nose stains the side of his face as well as the pillow. 

Young K yells out and runs to the living room. He cries hysterically as the four try to understand him. Jae pushes past him and goes to the bedroom. Junhyeok lays unconscious and pale. Young K covers his mouth and tries to control his breathing as Jae attempts to get Junhyeok to respond. He checks his pulse, letting his breath go when he feels it. Sungjin calls an ambulance while Dowoon and Wonpil hold each other close. Young K kneels in front of Junhyeok, placing his hand over his stomach. He pulls away as he is shaking too much. Jae feels himself get nauseous. 

After about 30 minutes, the ambulance arrives. Everyone shakes as they take Junhyeok away. Young K starts to run to his car but Jae stops him, suggesting he drive instead. They all pile into the car and make their way to the hospital. Young K jumps out as Jae parks, doubling over into the grass. He throws up and starts to cry again. 

No one speaks as they sit in the waiting room. They don’t look at their phones or even look at each other. Young K shakes violently, trying not to think the worst. After four hours, a nurse notices them waiting. She asks who they are waiting for. They tell her and she points them to the ICU. Everyone thanks her and runs towards the ward. They look at all the names outside of the room, trying to find Junhyeok’s. Young K finds it and quickly throws the door open. His chest hurts as he sees Junhyeok lying there, connected to multiple machines. The rest pile in slowly behind him, trying to hold tears back. Jae places a hand over Young K’s shoulder as he wobbles backwards. 

“He didn’t want you to know this, but he refused treatment.” Jae’s voice cracks. “He only had about a month left so-this might be it for him.” A tear rolls down his cheek as he begins to break down. “I’m sorry.” 

Young K drops to his knees and stares at the end of the bed. He puts his head to the floor and screams out. The other three stand beside Junhyeok, looking at his thin and pale frame. Dowoon hurts Wonpil’s hand as he holds it too tightly. He apologizes but can’t make himself let go. Jae closes his eyes and hopes his friend will make it out of this. 

Everyone but Young K look up and a doctor walks into the room. He greets them and and walks beside the bed. 

“As you may or may not know, Junhyeok does not want to go along with treatment. And at this stage in the cancer, there really isn’t much we could do, anyway. He wasn’t DNR so we are able to keep him hooked up until we know do to. His files say his beneficiary is Kang Younghyun. Is that any of you?” The doctor speaks loudly. 

Young K sits on the ground normally and raises his hand. “That’s me.” 

“Do you want to keep him on life support or take him off? You have time for this decision but we urge you to not take too long.” 

Jae stares, mouth wide at Young K. He can see Young K’s face twitch as he stands up. Young K looks at Junhyeok and then at the doctor. He yells, grabbing the doctor by the coat and pushing him into the wall, punching him in the face. Sungjin and Dowoon pull him off and apologize profusely. 

“I understand this is stressful. I’ll give you time to think and you can let us know on your own time.” The doctor says, placing his hand over his cheek. 

Young K stumbles back, his body numbing and his vision blurring. The breath gets knocked out of him as his back hit the wall behind him, sliding to the ground. He stares at Junhyeok’s face, shaking from fear of losing him. No one has the strength to pick Young K off the floor. Wonpil and Dowoon shake while holding each other in the corner. Sungjin tries to keep his crying in but fails, forcing him to take a loud breath and coughing. Jae stares at Junhyeok, thinking back to a month ago when he kissed him. He remembers the spark and how much Junhyeok glowed after that. His lip quivers and he drops down to the floor, keeping a hand over his mouth. 

For the next week, Young K doesn’t speak to anyone, not even his managers. He stares at the wall all day. Sungjin attempts to get him to eat but he refuses. Young K holds his notebook in his hand and rips out the lyrics for his new song, throwing them across the room. Dowoon picks it up and reads it, feeling his heart sink. 

Wonpil lays in Dowoon’s bed, arms wrapped around a stuffed animal. He looks up as Dowoon walks in, still holding the lyrics in his hand. Dowoon stares at his feet before Wonpil gets off the bed and wraps his arm around him. 

“I don’t want to lose him, either.” Dowoon cries, pulling his hand to his eyes. 

Wonpil takes the paper from his hand and looks at it, recognizing when Young K was writing it. “I know. I wish I spent more time with him.” 

Dowoon rips away from Wonpil and walks to the kitchen. He holds his breath as he leans on the counter, over the sink. Wonpil comes out and stands in the hall between the two rooms. Young K sighs heavily, getting everyone’s attention. 

His voice cracks but he keeps himself from crying. “I-I think it’s time.” 

Everyone goes silent. They only noise is the fan blowing in the kitchen. Dowoon grabs a knife from the counter and screams, running towards Young K. Young K tries to hold Dowoon back but his grip slips. The knife digs into his shoulder and he screams out in pain. No one pulls Dowoon off as they are all in complete shock. He punches Young K and stabs down again, hitting closer to his heart. Young K stops him from striking a third time, tasting blood in his mouth. Wonpil finally pulls him away. 

Dowoon drops the knife, staring at the blood on his hands and on Young K’s shirt. Young K breathes hard, holding his hand over the wounds. He cries and laughs hysterically in pain as Jae and Sungjin try to help him. Sungjin applies pressure to the wounds while Young K attempts to sit up. Wonpil forces Dowoon to the ground, keeping his hands behind his back. Jae panics and runs to the bathroom to get a towel. He hands it to Sungjin and helps him stand Young K up. Young K glares at Dowoon before dropping back to the ground. Sungjin carefully pulls him into his arms, running him to his car. He helps him in the back seat, Jae sitting beside him. Young K winces, feeling his face numb as he loses more blood. 

“I’m not mad that he did that.” Young K says quietly. “I think I’d do the same thing, honestly.” 

“He fucking stabbed you!” Jae accidentally yells too loudly. He takes a shaky breath. “Shit, we left Wonpil alone with him.” 

Wonpil keeps ahold of Dowoon as he looks at the blood on the ground. He doesn’t have a clue about what to do. Dowoon breaks down and cries with his face to the floor. He apologizes over and over through his tears. Wonpil slowly lets go, sliding the knife far from them. Dowoon sits up and falls into his chest. He cries loudly, staining Wonpil’s shirt with tears and drool. His hands stay to the side to not get blood on him. Dowoon’s face reddens as he forgets to breathe. Wonpil pulls him back, telling him to take a breath. He tries but just chokes and hyperventilates instead. 

“If you don’t breathe, you’re going to pass out.” Wonpil attempts to get him to listen. 

“Let me pass out! I don’t care.” Dowoon growls out. “Fuck! I just attacked my best friend! What do I do?” 

“I don’t know. I really don’t know. I’m actually really fucking scared and I want to cry so badly but you really really scare me right now.” 

“I’m sorry. Shit.” He coughs. “I need to see Junhyeok before Younghyun.” 

Dowoon stands up quickly, and runs to the door. He grabs his keys from the hook, leaving before Wonpil can get to him. Wonpil gets his phone out and calls Jae, completely panicked. Jae doesn’t hear his phone ring as he helps Young K out of the car. He keeps a grip on his arm while Young K holds the towel over the wounds. Sungjin stops and turns to them. 

“How the fuck are we gonna explain what happened?” He scratches his head. 

“I’ll just say I got into a fight with a friend and no, I don’t want to press charges.” Young K says, groaning in pain. “I just want to fucking get this fixed so I can be with Junhyeok.” 

Young K’s face has completely lost its color. He stops to cough and spit blood out. His legs give out but Jae and Sungjin keep him up. He lets out a pained groan as he tries to regain his stance. A strange gargle comes from his throat and his doubles over, puking blood. Sungjin wraps his arms around him and pulls him up, trying not to cry. His mouth twitches and tears roll down his cheek as they reach the doors. Jae runs inside to get someone as Sungjin loses his grip. Young K lands on all fours, shaking from pain and blood loss. Sungjin pulls him closer. 

Jae run back out with a nurse behind him, pulling a gurney behind them. They all lift Young K onto the gurney. The nurse wheels him in, rushing through the halls. Jae and Sungjin stop when she goes through an employees only door. They turn around and make their way to the waiting room. Sungjin stops when he sees someone familiar walk through the front doors. He runs and grabs Dowoon by the arm. Jae curses to himself and hesitantly goes over. Dowoon pushes Sungjin back and begins walking towards the ICU. The two follow, both staring at the blood flaking off his hands. 

Dowoon puts his head down as he walks into Junhyeok’s room. Jae and Sungjin walk in quietly behind him. They stay back as Dowoon slowly walks to the side of the bed. He places a hand on Junhyeok’s leg, biting the inside of his lip to keep it from twitching. 

“I’m sorry, Junhyeok. I hurt Younghyun. He was going to pull the plug.” Dowoon’s voice turns into a whine as he begins to sob. “Now, we have more time with you.” 

“You’ve gone absolutely batshit!” Sungjin yells out. 

“Shut up! He can’t die yet!” 

“You almost fucking killed Younghyun. Are you proud of yourself?”

Dowoon’s eyes burn as he sits in the chair behind him. “Of course I’m not! I turned into a psycho to let my friend live a little longer.” He buries his face in his arms.

“Dowoon. There’s nothing we can do, anymore. He didn’t want to live longer. It’s the right thing to do.”

Young K walks across a field, the sun just a bit too bright. He looks around at the flowers around his feet. In the distance, he sees someone walking up to him. His heart beats fast as Junhyeok steps in front of him, smiling. He wraps his arms around his waist. 

“Don’t worry, neither of us are dead.” Junhyeok chuckles. “The flowers are pretty here, though. I’d like to stay here, if you’d let me.” He kisses Young K on the cheek. 

Young K gasps awake, frantically looking around the hospital room. He falls back when a surge of pain runs through his shoulder and chest. The clock across the room tells him it’s 3:40am. He curses but quickly falls back asleep, due to the medications in his IV. The next morning a nurse comes in to change his bandages. He tears up as he remembers his dream from last night. The nurse asks him if he’s alright but he lies, telling her he’s fine. His body is weak as he attempts to sit up. The nurse pulls him up by his hand and elbow, carefully removing the gauze from his shoulder and chest.

Wonpil walks in and sits on the windowsill, watching Young K carefully. The nurse finishes changing the bandages and leaves. Young K meets eyes with Wonpil as he carefully pulls the gown back over his chest. Wonpil hops up and helps him as he struggles. 

“Is Dowoon okay?” Young K asks, laying back slowly. 

“Yeah. He-uh, he’s sorry.” Is all Wonpil can think to say. 

“I just want to know why he did it. I’m not mad at him, there was clearly a reason.” 

“He said it was to keep Junhyeok alive a little longer.” Wonpil lowers his head, taking a long breath. 

Young K lowers his head, feeling a lump form in his throat. He tries to keep from crying as breathing hard hurts his wounds. The two look up when someone slowly walks to the doorway. Young K nods to Dowoon and gestures for him to come in. He slowly moves his feet towards the end of the bed, keeping his head low. 

“Please, I’m begging you. Keep him alive a little longer.” Dowoon whispers. 

“He doesn’t want this.” Young K whispers back. “I don’t know how much pain he’s in, right now. And neither do you. I know you want to be selfish because I want to be, too. But it’s not right to keep him suffering.” 

Young K and Dowoon are surprised when neither of them cry. Wonpil, however, wipes a tear from his cheek before apologizing and seeing himself out. He steps to the side to let Jae in. Dowoon sighs before he walks out, holding his head. He yells to himself as he walks out of the room, collapsing into Wonpil’s chest. 

Jae sits in the chair beside Young K’s bed. He bites the nails off all his fingers, one by one. Young K silently watches him, emotionless. Jae stops and shivers. 

“I kissed Junhyeok.” Jae finally says. “The night he got into the accident. I hadn’t seen him happier.”

His eyes never leave Young K’s. He shakes, surprised he was able to actually tell him. The air leaves Young K lungs as he feels himself get dizzy. Jae jumps and runs to the corner as Young K rips out of bed, wrapping his hands around Jae’s throat. Young K yells out, not caring about ripping his stitches as well as his IV out. He throws Jae hard against the wall but pulls away, dropping to the ground once the pain hits him. Jae doubles over and coughs. He stumbles to the side, looking up when Sungjin and Wonpil walk in. 

Sungjin runs to Jae and hugs him, asking what happened. Wonpil panics as he sees the blood pool on Young K’s gown. Young K finds it hard to take a breath as he cries. His face gets red as his head falls forward into Wonpil’s shoulder. He collapses to the side from pain. Jae straightens himself as Sungjin leads him to the other bed, sitting him down carefully. Sungjin runs back out to find a nurse to help Young K. 

Dowoon picks at a callous on his hand. He sways from side to side as he looks over at Junhyeok. Young K stands at the end of the bed, holding onto to it, trying to keep himself from getting sick. The other three sit on the ground, holding each other closely. A nurse and doctor stand to the side of the bed. 

“I love you-“ Young K cuts himself off as he breaks down, dropping to his knees. “Now, you can be in peace, baby doll.” 

Everyone slowly says their goodbyes, unable to keep themselves from crying. Dowoon walks out of the room, holding his breath. Young K feels his entire body numb as the doctor begins to turn all the equipment off. Time feels like it slows when the monitor begins to flatline. The nurse removes the breathing tube as well as the feeding tube. Everyone stares in silence, as the nurse finally unhooks the heart monitor. Young K’s body falls to the side. He is too numb to care about hitting his bad shoulder. Jae rips up from the floor and over to Junhyeok. He collapses on top of him, shaking as he feels his bones underneath his gown. Wonpil falls into Sungjin’s shoulder, Sungjin wrapping his arm around him tightly. 

Wonpil secretly stands in the doorway as Young K sits on his bed, holding a box cutter blade. He places it to his wrist and takes a few hard breaths. Wonpil wraps his hand around his other wrist and pulls it away. He takes the blade and places it on the stand. His heart hurts but he tries to not show emotions. He pulls Young K forward, putting his arms around him. Young K twitches and falls backwards on the bed. He stares at the ceiling, gripping onto Wonpil’s hand. Wonpil sits on the bed, resting his hand on Young K’s stomach. 

He leans forward to check to see if Young K is still awake. Young K looks down at him, pulling him down on top of his chest. Wonpil listens to his heartbeat as Young K pets the top of his head. 

“Brian. You need to eat something.” Wonpil says quietly before propping his head up. “It’s been days.”

“I can’t find the strength to.” Young K replies, sitting back up. 

“Can you please try? We’re all worried about you.” 

Young K sighs and stands up, walking out of the room. Wonpil follows, going over to the kitchen. He pulls out a Tupperware full of fruit, setting it on the table in front of Young K. Sungjin and Jae looks up from the couch, Sungjin quickly going back to what he was doing. Jae stands and makes his way over towards the two. He leans over the table, taking a piece of fruit and eating it. 

He holds a piece up to Young K’s mouth but he doesn’t move. Young K puts his head down and slams him hands against the table and screams. He cries out as he stands, grabbing Jae by the shirt. Jae doesn’t fight back as his body slams against the counter. Young K shakes as he digs his nails into Jae’s shoulders. His breaths are sharp, causing pain to his chest. Sungjin grabs his arm before he punches Jae. He pulls him back, wrapping around his body to calm him down. Tears stain his face as Sungjin loses his balance, making them both fall to the ground. 

“Did he even love me, anymore?” Young K asks Jae, head falling back into Sungjin’s chest. 

“Of course, he did. He knew you loved him, too. Even through all the bullshit you both went through.” Jae’s mouth twitches as he responds. “And I know he wouldn’t want to see you continue to drink yourself mad and hurt yourself.” 

“Then why? Why did he want to kiss you? Why did he kiss? Why was he happy?”

Sungjin’s mouth falls open, looking at Young K and then at Jae. He pushes Young K off and stands up, walking away shaking his head. Young K stands and grabs Jae, kissing him hard on the lips. Jae growls, pushing him away and runs after Sungjin. He stops him at the doorway to their bedroom. Sungjin pulls him inside and slams the door shut. Wonpil looks over at Young K in shock. 

“I didn’t feel anything. What made him so special?” Young K yells out before walking to the fridge. 

He pulls out a beer and walks back to the room. Wonpil continues to stare at the same spot for a few minutes before going after Young K. He hesitates to walk into the room, jumping back when he hears the front door open. Dowoon makes his way inside, keeping his head low. 

“Dowoon, oh my god. You’re home.” Wonpil runs up to him. 

Dowoon sways back and forth. “Unfortunately, I’m still alive.” 

It feels like someone punched Wonpil in the chest when Dowoon says this. He wraps his arms around Dowoon before pulling back when he groans in pain. His heart sinks when he notices all the bruises and cuts around Dowoon’s face and arms. There is dirt and blood on his jacket. Wonpil holds his wrists tightly, staring at him, concerned. Dowoon’s eyes are half open as he tries to limp around Wonpil. 

“I needed to be up just a little higher. Maybe I’ll try the bridge next time.” Dowoon speaks softly. 

Wonpil’s eyes water as he realizes what Dowoon means. He grabs him and forces him into a hug. Dowoon’s knees give out and he collapses to the floor. His head hits the wood hard, making him black out momentarily. Wonpil feels nauseous as he hovers over Dowoon’s body. He leans down and picks his torso up, pulling him into his lap. His hand slide under his head, feeling blood in different spots. 

“Please, don’t try that again.” Wonpil’s voice is shaky. “I can’t lose you, too.” 

Dowoon attempts to lift his head up but it falls. “I wish I could promise you.” His eyes close. “Wonpil, I love you. Will you leave with me?” 

A tear falls on Dowoon’s arm as Wonpil sniffles. He puts his head down and shakes, pulling Dowoon closer. “It’s not our time to go. I’m begging you, Dowoon. Please stay alive for me.” 

“I love you.” He cries. “So much.”


	5. Struggle

Young K slams the front door closed and walks to the couch. He throws his body down and groans loudly, running his fingers through his hair. Wonpil looks over and questions him. At first he just sits there, trying to calm himself down. He looks over to Wonpil, who is still waiting for him to say something.

“That doctor is pressing charges against me.” Young K growls out.

“The one that you punched?” Wonpil asks, raising a brow. “I mean, yeah?”

“Just what I fucking need right now. A court date.”

“Our managers will take care of it.”

Young K sighs, clenching his teeth. “No, I need to take care of this myself.”

Jae lands sideways on the floor as Sungjin pushes him over. He uses the bed to help him stand back up. Sungjin grabs his arm and squeezes it, staring into Jae’s eyes. Jae shakes, groaning as Sungjin slaps his across the face. He pulls away and holds his cheek, tears forming in his eyes. Sungjin widens his eyes and stares at his hand, before wrapping his arms around Jae. Jae stiffens, trying not to hyperventilate.

“I’m so sorry, it’ll never happen again.” Sungjin hugs him tightly. “I promise.”

He pulls away and Jae looks down to the floor. Jae nods but walks to his bed. Sungjin sits on his twin and suggests the two go to sleep. He quietly agrees, pulling the blanket far over his head and turning to the wall. Sungjin turns the light off and sighs. He stares around the dark room, replaying him hurting Jae in his head. His chest tightens and he lays down fully, falling asleep.

Wonpil examines Young K’s wounds while they are in the kitchen. They have started to scar, making it painful and itchy. Young K groans when he applies some cream to them. Wonpil covers them with a thin gauze. His phone goes off and he checks the text.

“Dowoon isn’t coming home again.” He sighs, throwing the phone on the table. “It makes me wonder what he fucking does all night.”

Young K stands up and Wonpil does the same. They meet eyes, making them both stop. Wonpil clears his throat and tries to walk away. Young K grabs his arm and pulls him back over. He pushes him against the counter and kisses him. Wonpil moans, bringing Young K closer to him. Young K picks his body up and places him on the counter. He pulls Wonpil’s shirt off, grinding against his body. Wonpil grabs him by the hair and bites at his neck. They kiss deeply, biting at each other’s lips. Young K kisses Wonpil’s jawline. Wonpil digs his nails into Young K’s back as he bites at the air. They pull at each others jeans.

Wonpil gasps when he opens his eyes, pulling away quickly. Young K turns around and curses under his breath. Dowoon stands in the doorway, staring at the two. He blinks a few times to make sure he is seeing correctly. Wonpil jumps from the counter and begins to walk towards him. Dowoon steps back and walks out of the apartment, without looking back. Young K covers his face and walks to the bedroom. Wonpil grabs his shirt and yells, punching the wall. The plaster cracks and the skin on his knuckles rips up. He puts his shirt on and runs out of the building barefoot. Gravel digs into his feet as he runs to Dowoon’s car.

Dowoon looks up at him as he starts his car. He rolls his eyes and begins to back out of the parking space. Wonpil runs to the driver’s side door and yells for him to stop. Dowoon ignores him as he straightens the car. He slams on the brakes as Wonpil forces the door open. Wonpil stumbles sideways and catches his breath.

“Don’t even try.” Dowoon growls at him. “You had your chance.”

He shifts into drive and tries to pull the door closed. Wonpil puts his body against the frame, grabbing for Dowoon’s arm. Dowoon pushes him backwards, closing the door. He shakes as he rolls the window down, staring at Wonpil with tears in his eyes. Wonpil buries his face in his hands and begins to cry.

“I’m such a fuck up!” Wonpil yells. “Please, never forgive me.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” Dowoon replies, speeding off.

Jae walks out of his bedroom around 10pm. He stops in the living room when he sees Wonpil staring at the wall. Wonpil snaps out of his trance and quietly greets Jae. His face is pale and stained with tears. Jae tiredly apologizes about Dowoon before grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. He slowly makes his way to Young K’s room, not bothering with knocking.

“Brian, I know you haven’t had any water today. Can you please drink this for me?” Jae says, turning the light on.

He throws the bottle on the floor when he sees Young K unconscious beside his bed. There is blood pouring from his nose and a small empty bag beside his head. There’s is also a pool of what looks like stomach acid on the floor. Jae drops down to him and tries to shake him awake. He yells out for help, grabbing him by the shoulder. Wonpil and Sungjin rush in at the same time, running into each other. They stare at Young K, unsure of what to do. All of them step back as his body begins to seize. Sungjin runs over and places him carefully on his side. Young K’s body twitches violently, causing him to choke slightly on the vomit in his mouth.

His body stops shaking and he gasps loudly for air, making him cough instead. Everyone watches as his eyes flicker upwards. Jae yells out, grabbing his waist and picking him up.

“No-no! We are not losing you!” Jae screams, rushing through the apartment.

He storms out of the building, holding Young K close in his arms. Young K’s head falls backwards, causing him to choke on the nose blood. He coughs violently and gasps for air again. Sungjin runs behind Jae with his keys in hand. They meet at Sungjin’s car, Jae carefully placing Young K in the back. Wonpil crawls beside him, propping his head on his lap. The other two get in the front seat.

“Hey! Wait-“ They jump as Wonpil yells. “Do you think he was trying to kill himself?”

“I think he accidentally fucked himself up again and he needs to go to the fucking hospital.” Jae yells, not sure what emotion to feel.

“Maybe. But-“

“No, I’m not hearing it. He’s living. I don’t care.”

Wonpil sits back, placing his hand on Young K’s chest. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Jae just glares back as Sungjin pulls out of the complex. Sungjin doesn’t leave the car as Jae runs inside the hospital. He turns around and looks over at Wonpil, who is brushing Young K’s hair from his face. Wonpil looks up and forces a smile.

“Were you saying to just let him die?” Sungjin asks, trying not to have hate in his voice.

“It’s just that-He’s gone through so much recently. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was trying to die.” Wonpil replies, putting his head down. “If we was, who are we to force him to live?”

“You’ve never been the person to say shit like that. Why are you saying that now? How heartless are you that you’d let him die just like that? He’s being selfish.”

Wonpil’s lip twitches as he tries to stay calm. The two look over when Jae opens the door and jumps back in. He growls as he puts his seatbelt back on.

“The wait’s too long. I called the other hospital and they have the same wait time.” Jae throws his hands up in frustration.

“Then what do we do?” Sungjin asks, turning the car back on.

“Just go home.” He puts his face in his hands and yells.

Dowoon tucks his body in a small corner of the bar. He plays with the condensation on his cup, looking at his feet. His head pops up every few seconds, thinking he hears Wonpil’s voice. Someone accidentally bumps into him making him stiffen and feel uncomfortable. After a few more minutes, he finishes his drink and walks away.

The air is cool as he goes outside. There is a breeze that makes him shiver slightly. He doesn’t feel comfortable getting back in his car so he sits on the sidewalk for a bit. His back leans against the wall of the club. A woman approaches him and asks if he has a cigarette. He politely tells her no, bringing his knees to his chest. His lip twitches as he stares out at the street. He doesn’t think as he stands up, smoothing his jacket out.

He takes a few hard breaths as he tries to keep himself from crying. His body slowly moves forward, stopping before he falls into the road. A wave of nausea makes him sway forward. He grabs onto a street sign to keep him upright. A car speeds around him as he stumbles onto the road. They honk loudly but he just stares wide eyed. He straightens his posture and stares ahead again. His heart beats quickly as he slowly steps down into the road. He hears tires screeching and honking.

Sungjin stares with his eyes wide at the person standing in front of his car. He breathes heavily, glad he was able to stop in time. The car behind him honks and speeds off around him. The other two stare at the person, concerned and scared. They all recognize him at the same time and rush out of the car. Dowoon collapses into Wonpil’s arms as he grabs for him. He cries loudly into his chest as he tries to keep his knees from giving out. Wonpil smells the alcohol on his breath as he walks him to the back seat. He gets in before telling Dowoon to get in beside him. Young K is laying against the window behind the passenger seat. Wonpil pulls Dowoon close, trying to calm him down. Jae and Sungjin still stand outside in shock. Sungjin laughs a bit hysterically and shakes his head, walking back to the car. Jae sighs before heading over as well.

Young K is awake but still lethargic. He is unable to move or talk, just swaying forward every few seconds. Wonpil tries to keep his head from hitting anything. Dowoon is too drunk and emotional to even pay attention to Young K’s state. He falls asleep just as they pull into the complex. Wonpil shakes him awake and tells him to get out. He refuses at first. Jae helps Young K out, holding him tightly so he doesn’t fall. His nose begins to bleed again, getting all over his shirt. Sungjin storms back to the dorm, not looking back as the others struggle. He walks in and goes straight to bed. Dowoon clings around Wonpil as they go inside. Wonpil carries him to his room and helps him take his jacket off.

Jae drags Young K into the living room, laying him gently on the mattress on the floor. He props his head up so he won’t choke on any more blood. Young K feels a tremor run through his body, making him gasp loudly. His face is pale and Jae notices his cheeks sinking. Jae looks across the room at the mirror and sees his own face. He grabs his cheek and pulls at it. Sighing, he places his hand on his stomach and frowns.

“Where’s Junhyeok? We’re late for practice.” Young K mumbles, attempting to sit up.

“Brian, it’s midnight. There’s no practice.” Jae responds, pushing him back down. “You need to stay down.”

“He said he’s bringing my bass.”

“Please-stop this.”

“Stop what? Go wake Junhyeok up!”

“Brian, he’s gone!” Jae chokes up. “I can’t wake him up but I wish I fucking could.”

Young K tries to stand again but Jae forces him down. He holds Young K’s arms as he starts to fight him. Jae struggles to keep him back, falling into his chest. Wonpil walks out of the bedroom as Young K throws Jae to the side. He sits up and stares at Wonpil.

“About time you woke up, baby. We have to go.” Young K smiles.

Wonpil looks at Jae with a brow raised. “The fuck is he talking about?”

“He thinks you’re Junhyeok.” Jae growls as he stands up. “Just-I don’t even know.”

Young K weakly stands but quickly falls to his knees. He starts to crawl to Wonpil. “Can you pack my strings for me?”

“Younghyun, I’m not Junhyeok!” Wonpil pulls him up by his arms. “See? Look. I’m clearly Wonpil. Junhyeok’s gone.”

Tears form in Young K’s eyes. “What do you mean by gone?”

“I’m sorry, Younghyun. He passed away on Monday. His funeral is tomorrow. You’ll unfortunately remember when you’re in your right mind again.”

Wonpil hugs Young K tightly, feeling himself shake. Young K’s chest twitches as he digs his nails into Wonpil’s back. He buries his face in his shoulder. Jae walks past them, to his bedroom. He quietly sifts through his things until he finds his jacket, pulling something from the pocket. No one notices him walk to the bathroom. He locks the door and stares in the mirror. His reflection makes him nauseous as he grabs his cheeks. He looks up at his nonexistent chin fat, sighing sharply.

His hands sweat as he clutches a small bag in one of them. He looks over at the door as he hears something outside. The bag slips from his hand and lands on the floor. Three pills lay inside. He takes one out and splits it in half, placing one half back in the bag. The pill sits in his palm as he sits on the floor. He leans against the wall, grabbing at the skin around his stomach and waist.

He looks up when someone tries to open the door, standing up quickly. Sungjin groggily looks at him as he walks out. Jae secretly places the pill on his tongue and walks to the kitchen. Wonpil sits at the table with Young K sitting on the counter. They watch Jae take a drink of water from a random water bottle. He shivers before quietly walking to the bedroom. Dowoon lays on the bottom bunk, forcing him to crawl up to the top. He stares at the ceiling for what feels like hours. Sungjin walks back in and crawls into bed, falling asleep as soon as he hits the pillow. Jae leans over the edge of his bed and stares at Sungjin. His head spins as the pill starts to set in. He looks around, amazed by how he feels. Dowoon coughs making him jump back and pull the covers over himself.

The next morning Jae wakes up with his head feeling heavy. His body shakes slightly as he crawls off the bed. Neither Dowoon or Sungjin are in the room. He weakly crawls down but is caught off guard by his knees giving out. His shin hits the edge of Sungjin’s bed. He groans in pain, grabbing the bed to stand himself back up.

Young K sits against the wall in the hallway, staring ahead of him. He is wearing a black suit. Jae quietly greets him as he walks to the bathroom. In the mirror, Jae stares at his collarbone, smiling at how small they look. He lifts his shirt and places his hand on his stomach, feeling how small it is.

“Huh, these pills work fast.” Jae says to himself. _I’m not even hungry._

Jae walks back out and goes to the living room. Wonpil and Sungjin quietly talk to each other, trying not to disturb anyone. Jae looks around for Dowoon, not immediately seeing him. His head hurts as he tries not to think about the day ahead. He doesn’t want to see his best friend in a casket. His chest tightens as he sits beside Sungjin, resting his head on his shoulder. Dowoon walks into the front door, clutching a black suit to his chest. He doesn’t look at anyone as he makes his way to the bedroom. Sungjin wraps his arm around Jae, pulling him as close as possible.

Young K weakly stands up, making his way to the living room. The three glance up at him as he walks to the kitchen. He sways back and forth as he stares into space. Sungjin watches as he snaps back to reality and quietly opens the fridge. He pulls out a small green bottle and Sungjin flies off the couch. Young K jumps back as Sungjin grabs his arm.

“Don’t fucking drink today.” Sungjin growls, trying to force the bottle from his hand.

“Please-” Young K’s voice cracks as he refuses to let go.

“Younghyun, let go. You’re not going to win this fight.”

Sungjin holds Young K’s wrist tightly, yanking him forward. Young K coughs from the force, stumbling into Sungjin’s chest. He continues to hold the soju as he feels Sungjin’s grip tighten. His heart pounds as he tries to pull back forcefully. Sungjin grabs his other arm, bringing him close again. Young K tries again but Sungjin slaps him hard against the face. He pulls away in shock. Sungjin takes the bottle and angrily places it back in the fridge. Young K shakes as he slowly makes his way to the living room, sitting on the mattress. Jae stares over to Sungjin who is pacing in the doorway. Wonpil keeps his head low and pretends he didn’t see anything.

A few minutes later, Dowoon walks out. His suit is a bit messy but he doesn’t want to fix it yet. He sits heavily on the floor, feeling his body numb. Everyone looks as he suddenly stands up and walks to the front door. He picks his keys up from the side table.

“If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my car.” Dowoon whispers before leaving.

Sungjin growls before walking out after him. Dowoon flinches when Sungjin grabs his shoulder. He glares as he pushes his hand off and starts walking again. Sungjin runs in front of him and pushes him into the wall.

“If you try to hurt yourself today I swear to god I will make sure you feel it for the rest of your life.” Sungjin stares.

“Don’t fucking threaten me. I’m not in the mood.” Dowoon takes a deep breath, refusing to make eye contact.

“None of us are in the mood today. I don’t care how fucking depressed any of you are. This day is only about Junhyeok.”

“Yeah, thanks I got it. I wasn’t planning on doing anything.” He cocks his head. “Now, I’ll be in the fucking car.”

Dowoon hits Sungjin’s shoulder as he pushes past him. Sungjin glares as he walks down the hall. He rolls his eyes before making his way back inside. No one says anything as he throws himself down on the couch. Jae shifts to the side awkwardly, afraid to touch Sungjin. Sungjin puts his face in his hands and begins to cry.

Jae starts to feel awkward being the only one not wearing a suit. He stands up, slowly and quietly making his way to the bedroom. It takes him a few minutes to find, accidentally pulling his jacket off the rack as well. The pills slightly drop out making him quickly grab for them. He picks the jacket up and hides the bag under it while he gets dressed.

He looks at himself in the mirror, concerned by the suit fitting a little tightly around the arms and waist. The pants, however, are slightly baggy and wrinkled. He smooths the fabric as much as possible before he remembers he is clutching the baggie. His hand opens and he takes a deep breath. _Sungjin would kill me._ He puts the pills in his suit pocket, quietly walking to the living room.

“I’m not sure how I feel about having to see Junhyeok’s family.” Young K speaks quietly, almost to himself. “They never fucking visited him.”

Young K grinds his teeth before taking a few hard breaths. He shakes his head as he stands up and walks out the front door. The three begin to slowly follow one by one. Wonpil stares as Sungjin makes his way to the elevator, having to hold the door so it doesn’t close. No one speaks as they all look to the ground. Without warning, Sungjin suddenly grabs Jae, pushing him into his chest and hugging him tightly. His body trembles as he refuses to let go. Jae holds his breath to keep himself from crying, wrapping his arms around Sungjin’s waist.

Wonpil watches the two closely, feeling a little envious. He looks to Young K and twitches awkwardly, backing into the corner. The doors open and the four walk out, but Sungjin continues to hold Jae.

“Sungjin-” Jae muffles. “I love you but I can’t breathe anymore.”

“Oh, shit. Sorry.” Sungjin sniffles, pulling away and smoothing Jae’s suit. He stops, keeping his hand on Jae’s stomach. “You’re too skinny. Have you been eating?”

Jae steps back and stares past Sungjin, at the wall. “Yes.” He puts his hands in his pockets.

“Are you lying to me?”

Sungjin gets annoyed as Jae doesn’t reply. He grabs his arm, forcing his hands forward. The small bag flies across the floor and they all look down. Young K’s eyes widen as he glares at it. Sungjin’s jaw drops as Jae curses and goes to grab for it. The three stop him, pulling him back. Wonpil picks the bag up and holds it in the air for all of them to see. Young K take sit from him to get a closer look.

“Where did you get these?” Young K questions, getting extremely close to Jae.

“They fell out of your pocket.” Jae replies, looking to his left to avoid eye contact.

“The fuck are you taking drugs for?” Sungjin growls, pushing as Jae’s shoulder. “Huh? That the real reason you’re so fucking skinny? No wonder you aren’t fucking hungry.”

“Don’t yell at me.” Jae’s eyes begin to water. “I took them so I could lose weight after I saw Brian losing.”

“The only thing you’re losing is your sense.”

Jae tries to walk away but all three of them stop him again, pushing him against the wall. Sungjin balls his fists but just backs away, putting his hands to his head. Wonpil rolls his eyes before walking out of the building. Young K plays with the bag, unsure if he should put them in his own pocket. Sungjin paces for a few seconds before he begins to charge at Jae. Jae slides down the wall to avoid the hit. Young K attempts to hold Sungjin back but fails. Sungjin’s fist flies into the concrete wall. He pulls back, ignoring the pain and grabbing Jae by the top of the head. Jae puts his hands up in defense as Sungjin begins to smack him hard across the face and arms.

Young K grabs Sungjin by the waist and pulls him off. He holds him tightly as Jae just stares at their legs. Sungjin pushes away, straightening himself. He angrily helps Jae stand back up, dusting his suit off.

“Fuck it. Do what you want.” Sungjin shrugs. “You’re skinny enough to die but sure, starve to death. That way we get to go to two funerals.”

He yells as he storms out towards his own car, speeding off before anyone can get in. 


	6. Fallen

Young K holds his breath as he slowly makes his way down the long corridor. His body feels heavy and he doesn’t hear anything but ringing in his ears. Sungjin walks ahead of him, pulling a heavy door open. As they walk into the room, everyone turns to look at them. The boys stare emotionlessly at the casket set in the front. Young K’s stomach twists as he sways back and forth. Wonpil sets his hand on his back to keep him stable. Dowoon bites the inside of his cheek as he makes his way down the aisle. Tears fall down his face but he tries to hide his emotions. 

Jae locks his arm with Sungjin’s as they make their way to their seats. Wonpil slowly pushes Young K forward but he doesn’t move. His body shakes as he attempts to walk. He stops halfway down the aisle, feeling his legs give out. Wonpil quickly grabs for him but Dowoon turns around just in time to catch him. Young K buries his face in Dowoon’s chest, closing his eyes tightly. 

“Please. Just tell me this is all a nightmare.” Young K pleads quietly. 

“I’m sorry.” Is all Dowoon can say before his voice cracks. 

He straightens Young K and leads him slowly towards the front of the room. Young K meets eyes with Junhyeok’s family and glares. His lip twitches but Dowoon forces him to sit down, blocking his view as he sits as well. Young K stares at his feet, afraid to look back up at the casket. He holds his breath again, digging his nails into his legs. Jae looks over and places his hand over Young K’s. 

“Hey, easy.” He whispers, pulling at Young K’s wrist. 

Young K looks up and yells out in frustration, hitting his palms against the seats in front of him. Everyone gets quiet and turns to him. He says an apology under his breath before standing up and walking out. Jae and Wonpil watch him put his head down and begin to cry just before the door closes. Wonpil asks of he should go after him but Dowoon tells him no. He stares at him for a few seconds before getting up and leaving. 

He runs out, seeing Young K at the end of the hallway. Young K stumbles into the wall and falls to his knees. Wonpil rushes over as he pulls his legs to his chest. His face is pale as his body shakes. Wonpil wraps his arm around his shoulder, jumping when Young K leaps into his chest. He digs his nails into his leg as he continues to sob uncontrollably. 

“Hey, I need you to breathe for me. You’re gonna pass out.” Wonpil tries to soothe him by rubbing his back. 

Wonpil gets concerned when Young K goes quiet. He pulls him up by the shoulder and freezes. Young K’s face is completely covered in sweat and his eyes are half open. Wonpil lightly smacks his cheek to get him to respond. 

“Younghyun, you have to breathe!” He shouts a little too loudly. 

A few moments later, the other three boys run out along with everyone else slowly walking behind them. Wonpil wipes the sweat from Young K’s forehead with his sleeve. He turns around as Jae and Sungjin reach them. Sungjin checks Young K’s pulse and tells Wonpil to help him take Young K’s jacket off. 

“He’s dangerously overheated.” Sungjin tries to stay calm. “And it’s official. He’s an alcoholic.” 

The four boys fan him as they wait for medical help to arrive. They prop him against the wall and attempt to get him to respond. Anytime he speaks it’s too slurred and quiet to understand. Wonpil and Jae hold onto him tightly to make sure he doesn’t fall over. Dowoon steps back and leans against the wall opposite of them. He sighs, staring down the hall at Junhyeok’s family. They all shuffle around and pretend not to be looking at Young K. 

The medical team rushes over to Young K, hooking an oxygen mask up over his face. One wraps a blood pressure cuff around his arm. The other tells the other members to step back and give Young K space. They do so, Dowoon walking back down into the room. He walks up to the front and sits in front of the casket, putting his head in his hands. Jae and Sungjin stare at Young K as Wonpil walks back to the room. 

He looks over to Dowoon, carefully approaching his side. Dowoon doesn’t look up as he sits down next to him. He pulls Dowoon close by the shoulder, trying not to cry. Dowoon’s voice cracks as he attempts to speak. 

“I want to care about Younghyun but not when my friend is lying dead behind me.” Dowoon finally manages to say, feeling tears fall down his face. 

“I know, but it’s hard for him. He’s going through more than just this.” Wonpil replies, pulling him even closer. 

“Why does the world hate us? What did we do to deserve all this shit?” 

Dowoon buries his face into Wonpil’s chest, closing his eyes. Wonpil pulls Dowoon’s leg up and over his lap. He rocks him from side to side as he begins to cry as well. One by one, Junhyeok’s family and friends walk into the room. Wonpil and Dowoon don’t move. They hold each other tightly and wait for the boys to come back in. 

After about ten more minutes, Jae and Sungjin walk in. They say nothing as they make their way back to their seats. Everyone looks up as Young K quietly and slowly makes his way to the front of the room. He puts his head down and balls his fists. Wonpil stands Dowoon up and leads him over beside Jae. They all stare at Young K as he walks around to the casket. He places his hand on the wood, holding his breath so he doesn’t cry again. 

“We were supposed to fly out of the country. Secretly get married on some beach and stay there for a month.” He pauses to force a smile. “You planned it all, even made reservations for the hotel. That was supposed to be this month. I hope you aren’t mad but I still haven’t written my vows.” He laughs through his tears, coughing into his sleeve. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me to be. I promise I’ll do better. Just for you, sweetheart. I love you.” 

He slowly walks away, body completely numb. The four stand up and collide into him. They all cry quietly, almost forgetting they aren’t alone. None of them pull away until they are told it’s time to leave. They attempt to wipe their tears away but give up as more fall. 

Everyone gathers around the casket, almost afraid to touch it. They wrap their hands around the bars and slowly lift it on top of their shoulders. Young K stands at the back, too weak to attempt to help. He walks behind them, staring blankly ahead. All of their bodies shake as they slowly proceed outside towards the hearse. Once they step out, Young K drops to his knees, staring at the casket. The pavement rips at his legs but he doesn’t feel it. The boys hold their breath as they carefully place the casket into the hearse. They step back until they reach Young K, pulling him up by his arms. 

“I wish I could have taken his place.” Young K whispers to himself. 

Young K plays with a bottle cap from the soju he poured into his beer. It slips from his finger and flies across the table. Jae looks up as it hits the floor. Young K sighs and leans down to pick it up. He grabs his cup and makes his way to the couch, staring at the wall. His stomach aches from the alcohol being the only thing he’s consumed in three days. 

“You look really tired. Why don’t you just go to sleep?” Jae suggests, hoping he won’t drink any more. 

“Everytime I close my eyes I see him, smiling and looking so happy.” Young K smiles. “Remember when we all surprised him for his birthday and made him cry because he hadn’t celebrated it since before he became a trainee?” 

“It was a great day.” 

“What scares me the most is that I’ll forget what it’s like to hear that laugh and the happiness in his voice. I won’t remember his touch. We’ll all move on like he didn’t fucking exist.” 

“Just because we move on doesn’t mean we will forget him. He will always be apart of our lives no matter what.” Jae wraps his arm around Young K. “You won’t forget him but it’s not healthy to stay stuck on it. You have every right to feel miserable right now but you’re allowed to heal. And later down the road, you’re allowed to feel sad again. It’s normal. Okay?” 

Young K nods and he finishes his drink, dropping the cup on the ground. Jae leans down and sets it upright so nothing drips out. He pushes Young K up, forcing him to go to his room. Young K instinctively looks up a the top bunk, feeling his chest tighten when he sees it’s empty. He sits heavily on his bed, making Wonpil wake up and look around. Wonpil props himself up and tiredly greets Young K. He waves before crawling under the blanket without changing his clothes. 

Jae sits on the couch with his knees to his chest. He stares at the floor, flinching every few seconds from hunger pangs. His vision blurs as he stands up. Dowoon walks out of the bedroom, watching Jae walk to the kitchen. Jae open a cabinet and stares at a box of cereal. He pulls it out, turning it to the side to read the nutritional information. Dowoon sees him pull out a ½ measuring cup, pouring the cereal in. Jae puts it in a small bowl and walks to the couch. He jumps when he sees Dowoon but smiles and greets him. 

“Is that all you’re eating?” Dowoon asks, sitting beside him. 

“Yeah. I’m not that hungry.” Jae replies, slowly shoving a piece in his mouth. 

“I can see your ribs from here, dude.” 

Jae looks down and tries to hide his smile. “I’m not even that skinny.” 

“Are you sick or something? You haven’t been eating right for months. I’m worried about you.” 

“Thanks for the concern but I’m really okay.” 

Dowoon stands up, forcing Jae to do the same. He stares, confused and annoyed. Dowoon tells him to go weigh himself and they would compare it to his stats online. Jae scoffs, almost offended. At first he refuses but Dowoon but points to the bathroom. He growls under his breath as they make their way. The metal of the scale is cold on his feet as he slowly steps on. Dowoon places his hand on his back to keep him still. Jae looks down and smiles nervously, stepping off backwards. Dowoon stares at the number in shock until the scale resets itself. 

“Jae, you’ve lost 20lbs!” Dowoon tells at him. “That’s insane.” 

“Oh wow-I didn’t know I lost that much. Not bad.” Jae smirks. 

“What do you mean ‘not bad’? You’ve got nothing left to you!” He grabs his arm. “I’m making you eat something.” 

Jae panics as Dowoon drags him to the kitchen. “Really, I’m fine! I’m not hungry.” 

He drops to the floor and starts to cry. Dowoon’s mouth hangs open as he watches Jae breakdown. Jae breathes hard, trying to stop crying. Dowoon grabs a juice from the fridge and pulls him up by the arms, sitting him in a chair. He tells him to drink it all in front of him and he will go back to sleep. Jae looks down at the juice, turning it around slowly. He yelps when Dowoon tells him not to look at the calories. His hands shake as he tried to weakly open the bottle. Dowoon’s chest hurts as he watches him struggle. He grabs it and twists the cap off, handing it back to Jae. 

Jae takes a very small sip before placing the bottle on the table. He sighs as he refuses the swallow. Dowoon grabs his chin and demands that he swallow it. He yells loudly, getting quiet quickly after. Jae pushes him off and starts to cry again, running to the sink and spitting the juice out. Dowoon’s heart breaks as Jae has a panic attack. Jae’s body trembles and he begins to see stars. He gasps for air through his tears. Dowoon curses when Jae passes out. His head slams against the table as he falls. Dowoon grabs him by the arm and attempts to pick him up, yelling out for help. 

No one hears him so he runs to his bedroom. He pushes at Sungjin until he wakes up. 

“Jae passed out!” Dowoon says, rushed. 

Sungjin jumps out of bed and runs out with Dowoon. “What happened?” He drops beside Jae, who looks extremely pale. “Hey! Babe wake up!” 

“He lost 20lbs so I tried to get him to eat. I think he has a problem, Sungjin.” 

“Oh, god- he looks so sick. He needs to go to the hospital.” 

Sungjin picks him up carefully, hearing him groan out in pain. All he can feel is bones underneath Jae’s clothing. Jae stumbles and tries to push Sungjin away but is too weak. Sungjin sets him down in a chair, leaning down in front of him and cupping his cheek. Jae smiles but his breathing is labored. He shakes as he tries to stand back up. Dowoon and Sungjin grab him as he collapses again. He clings onto Sungjin’s shirt, head falling into his chest. Sungjin picks him up and begins to walk towards the front door. Dowoon runs over and opens it, getting Sungjin’s keys from the side table and following him out. 

Jae continually tells Sungjin that he’s fine and to let him down. He refuses, setting him in the passenger's seat of the car and closing the door. Dowoon asks if he wants him to come along. 

“It would be nice.” He says as the two get in. “You can try to call the other two if you want to.”

Dowoon nods but decides to send Wonpil a text instead, not too concerned. He crosses his arms and sits back as Sungjin focuses on driving. Every few minutes, he looks over to Jae, who is staring out of the window. Tears form in Jae’s eyes but he turns away as they fall down his cheek. Sungjin reaches over and places his hand over Jae’s thigh. 

Wonpil wakes up after his phone goes off a few times. He grabs it and turns the screen on, looking at it with one eye open. Young K jumps awake when Wonpil curses and jumps out of bed. He questions him, confused and still a little drunk. 

“Jae’s at the hospital. He passed out.” Wonpil tells him, putting his pants on. 

“What? Do you know what happened?” Young K gets up and runs his eyes after turning the light on. 

“Probably because he wasn’t eating. Have you seen how skinny he’s gotten?” 

“Yeah-makes sense. The other day I caught him trying to throw his dinner up. Scary shit.” He stretches. “But no need to rush. Something that like, he’ll be in the waiting room by the time we get there.” 

Wonpil shrugs and walks out after grabbing his jacket from a chair. Young K yawns as he blindly goes into the living room. He grabs his keys from the TV stand and stumbles towards the door. The two are too tired to realize they took their own cars to the hospital instead of carpooling. Wonpil is in front of Young K, watching him in the rear view as he sees him veering to the right several times. He slows down to the speed limit to make sure Young K doesn’t speed either, keeping his eye on him the whole time. 

They reach the exit for the hospital, stopping at the light at the intersection. Young K rubs his eyes and lays his head on the steering wheel. Wonpil turns around concerned when he sees this. There aren’t any other cars in the intersection so he honks to attempt to get him to look up. Young K jumps up and stares forward, eyes wide. He waves at Wonpil and gestures for him to drive. Wonpil hesitates but goes just as the right changes to red again. He wonders if he should pull over, knowing the hospital is only about 2 minutes away. Young K can make it that far. Wonpil doesn’t worry about it anymore as he pulls into the entrance for the hospital. 

Young K almost doesn’t notice the light changing to green. He hits the gas, blinking excessively to keep himself awake. His eyes widen as he jerks the wheel to the right. He curses and turns the AC on full blast to get him the rest of the way there. Wonpil sits in his car, staring at the entrance for Young K to arrive. He gets out when he sees a car coming up the hill. Young K slowly makes his way towards the parking lot, parking close to Wonpil. 

The two walk up to the emergency room entrance. Sungjin and Jae look up at them. Dowoon is half asleep, leaning against Sungjin’s shoulder. Jae looks up and notices Young K carrying his own keys. 

“Did you guys drive separately?” Jae asks, pointing weakly towards the keys. 

“Yeah, I guess we didn’t have to.” Young K replies with a shrug. 

“Are you still um drunk?” 

Wonpil widens his eyes and smacks Young K in the arm. “Seriously? That’s why you were swerving all over the damn place. You fucking moron!” 

“Hey-this is about Jae and his eating disorder or something. Not me.” Young K fumbles with his words, sitting across the boys and pouting. 

Jae rolls his eyes before leaning on Sungjin’s other shoulder. Sungjin wraps his arm around him and pulls his closer. He feels Jae’s body shake underneath him. His knee bounces anxiously as they wait for someone to come check on Jae. 

After another 20 minutes of waiting, a nurse finally tells Jae to come back. He stands but awkwardly stares back at the boys. Sungjin gets up quickly and starts to walk in with him, keeping his arm around his waist. The nurse takes them to a small room, telling Jae to sit on the bed and explain what’s wrong. He sits but doesn’t say anything, just stares at Sungjin. Sungjin half smiles and places a hand over Jae’s thigh. He explains to the nurse everything that he knows. The nurse nods and sits down in the chair beside Sungjin. She smiles to Jae. 

“When did your eating habits seem to change? Any events that triggered it or maybe an illness?” She asks. 

“I guess it was around the time my friend was diagnosed with cancer.” Jae answers quietly. 

“Okay. What have you been doing? Restricting? Fasting? Or binge/purging?” 

“Well, kinda all of that.” 

“Is your goal to lose weight?” She looks at her papers. “From the chart it says you weigh about 118lbs, which from what your friends told me, is a 20 pound or so loss. How long did it take for you to lose that?” 

“I guess about-2 months?” Jae shrugs. “That seems pretty normal though right?” 

“Not really no, and especially with your height, I would assume even your original weight wasn’t very large. A normal weight loss is very slow and does a lot less damage to the body. Sudden weight loss can be extremely harmful to and stress the body.” The two listen to her carefully, Jae feeling uneasy. “What we are gonna do is take some blood samples from you and test to see if there are any deficiencies or anything out of the ordinary. It won’t take too long but you can get comfortable and lay down if you need. From the urine sample we took earlier, we know you’re dehydrated so I’m going to get an IV set up with some medicine to calm your nerves and stomach a bit. Okay?” 

“Oh, um, okay.” Jae gets even more anxious, knowing they’ll find the pills in his bloodstream. “I-uh- I took something the other day.” 

“What did you take?” The nurse asks, getting the IV ready. 

“I’m not sure but it’ll most likely be on the lab report.” 

Jae holds his breath as the nurse inserts the IV in his arm. He holds onto Sungjin’s hand and lets out a long sigh. The nurse leaves and another one walks in shortly after. He sits down and starts to set up, tying a tourniquet around Jae’s arm. Jae shifts uncomfortably, apologizing when he flinches from the needle going into his arm. The nurse takes a few vials while Jae continues to hold his breath. He feels lightheaded as the nurse finishes, lying back carefully and breathing slowly. 

Sungjin rubs his arm and stands up, walking back out to the waiting room. Jae sits up slightly but lays back down, closing his eyes. 

“It’s gonna be awhile for blood work if you guys want to head back home, I’ll text if anything happens. So far, he’s just got an IV and blood drawn.” Sungjin explains clearly. “They gave him something to calm him so he’ll probably be asleep the rest of the night.” 

Dowoon looks up for a second and goes back to his phone. “I don’t really feel comfortable leaving.” 

“I don’t feel comfortable with Younghyun leaving. I’m not gonna be the one asshole that leaves.” Wonpil replies, crossing his legs. 

“Alright, well I’m going back to the room if you want to follow.” He turns around and starts to walk back. 

The three stand and make their way to the room. Sungjin watches them struggle the fit around the room comfortably. Jae tiredly looks at them and waves before passing out again. Young K sits on the ground against the wall, Dowoon joining beside him. Wonpil sits on the edge of the bed, putting one leg underneath him. 

After about an hour and a half of waiting, the first nurse walks in, quietly greeting everyone. She attempts to walk over to Jae, careful not to step on Dowoon and Young K. Sungjin, Wonpil, and the nurse slowly wake Jae. He jumps awake and apologizes. 

“Hey sorry for waking you, your results came back. We did in fact find that medication that you told us about, but I wanted to talk about your iron levels.” She holds her clipboard out to Jae. “These are your iron levels. From this, it basically shows that you’ve got anemia. We also found that you have hypoglycemia from your glucose levels. Now that’s not the end of the world but you do need to take care of your eating habits. It may seem hard, I know but I’ve printed out a few resources that you can contact. You can set up appointments with them to see if you can get counseling so you can get a proper diagnosis and the help you need. Do you have any questions?” 

“I don’t think so but I’m also really tired so I can’t think.” Jae blinks hard. 

Young K looks up and raises his hand to get her attention. “May I ask, how many mg’s of klonopin taken with alcohol it takes to kill you and how long?” 

Everyone looks over at him in concern. “Younghyun, did you do something?” Dowoon grabs his arm, tightly. 

“I fucking knew something was up.” Wonpil whispers. 

They all notice Young K’s hands shaking as he quickly attempts to hide them. Dowoon and Wonpil grab him as he tries to walk out. The nurse leaves to go figure out what to do. Young K tries to stay calm as everyone is quiet. 

Jae weakly stares at him, feeling a lump form in his throat. “Don’t do this again, Brian.”


	7. Innocent

 

Young K’s body flies backwards into the wall as he rips free from Wonpil and Dowoon’s grip. He drops to the floor, falling on his side. Sungjin pulls him up by the arm and pushes him out of the room, slamming the door behind them. Jae blinks hard as he forces himself to stay awake. His lip quivers as he stares at the shadows behind the door’s blinds.

“Fuck you, I’m not going to rehab!” Young K screams at Sungjin, pushing him in the chest.

Sungjin puts his hands up and backs away. “Fine. Do what you want. I’m done. We’re done.”

He shakes his head as he walks back in the room. Young K straightens his jacket and turns to leave. The three look up as Sungjin softly closes the door. He walks to Jae and smiles, rubbing his arm. Jae soon falls asleep leaving the members in awkward silence until dawn.

Dowoon stares at the wood slats above his bed. He looks up when the door opens, expecting Jae and Sungjin to come in for bed. Instead, Wonpil stands there, looking at his hands. Dowoon sits up.

“Did you need something?” Dowoon asks with slight coldness.

Wonpil says nothing, walking over to him very quickly. Dowoon is surprised when he grabs him by the neck and pulls him forward. He closes his eyes when Wonpil’s lips meet his. His hands rest against Wonpil’s hips, unaware that he’s pulling him forward. He leans back, making them both fall into the bed. Wonpil grinds down against Dowoon and bites his lip. His hand travels down to Dowoon’s zipper. Dowoon’s hands travel up Wonpil’s torso, sliding his shirt off.

Dowoon lets out a soft moan as Wonpil palms him, covering his mouth with his arm to muffle it. He reaches up to Wonpil’s head, pulling him down by the back of his hair. Wonpil smirks against Dowoon’s lips as he pulls at his jeans. Dowoon doesn’t pull away as he helps him slide them down. Wonpil bites at his neck as he starts to play with Dowoon over his boxers. He watches as Dowoon squirms underneath him. Dowoon grabs his wrist, forcing his hand down his boxers. A gasp escapes his mouth and he chuckles in slight embarrassment. He covers his face with his arm but Wonpil pulls it away.

“Don’t muffle yourself.” He smirks.   
  
He slowly wraps his hand around Dowoon, hearing a soft exhale come from his mouth. Wonpil leans forward, getting on his knees. He kisses Dowoon, feeling his body vibrate beneath him. Their eyes meet as Wonpil begins to stroke him. A low growl escapes Dowoon as he grabs Wonpil’s hips. He squeezes when Wonpil speeds up. Wonpil smirks as he watches Dowoon twitch underneath him. Dowoon grabs his head and pushes him down, begging him to use his mouth. He bites his lip and smirks as Wonpil does just that. His hips thrust forward making him choke slightly. Dowoon goes to apologize but is stopped when Wonpil goes back to it. He curses, pulling at his own hair. Wonpil picks up the pace but Dowoon can’t take anymore.

His stomach twitches several times before he tries to pull Wonpil away. Wonpil refuses as Dowoon finishes. Dowoon holds his breath while the orgasm passes.

“Shit.” Dowoon moans again. “That was amazing.”

Wonpil straightens himself and smirks, checking the doorway to make sure no one is there. “I’m glad you enjoyed it, baby.”

Dowoon half smirks, pulling Wonpil on top of him after he fixes himself. The two catch their breath before Wonpil falls asleep in his chest. Dowoon sighs deeply, pulling the covers over him and wrapping his arms tightly around his torso.

Young K lays in the grass of the cemetery, head beside Junhyeok’s headstone. His eyes are red from crying and his body is heavy from the pills he took. He stares at the stars with his mouth open.

“All I want is for us to be together again.” He whispers, voice cracking before he closes his eyes.

Sungjin holds his breath as he leans down to Young K’s unmoving body. He gentle shakes at his chest, stepping back when his eyes open. His heart hurts as Young K begins to sob. Sungjin drops back down and pulls him close. Young K pushes himself into his shoulder, unable to get a breath in.

“Hey, sh, it’s okay. Younghyun, I’ve got you.” He gets to his knees and pulls Young K up. “Let’s go home, okay?”

“What’s the point? Why do you care? I’m just extra fucking weight.” Young K cries out.

“No one said that. You’re my family, that’s why I care. We’re all worried about you, Younghyun, come on.”

Young K weakly clings to Sungjin as he leads him to the car. Sungjin lets him get in the car himself as he walks to the driver’s side. He looks up when Young K hesitates.

“Get in, Younghyun.” He says quietly. “Please.”

He nods and slowly opens the door, getting in. Sungjin doesn’t immediately start the car. Young K looks over and sniffles, wiping a tear from his cheek. He watches as Sungjin puts his head down and sighs. Sungjin places his hands to his face, crying. Young K sits there quietly, slightly in shock. A lump forms in his throat as his lip twitches.

“Sungjin-“ His voice cracks. “It’s okay.” He stops as he starts to cry as well.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be breaking down like this. I need to stay strong for everyone else.” Sungjin’s voice shakes.

“No, you don’t.”

Young K leans over and hugs Sungjin. He rubs his arm, pulling away when Sungjin pushes him. Sungjin catches his breath and wipes the tears from his face. He clears his throat and starts the car as if nothing happened. Young K stares at his hands quietly the whole ride.

Dowoon carefully gets up from the bed, making sure not to wake Wonpil. He slowly makes his way towards the living room, sitting down heavily on the couch. It is dark aside from the lamp they keep on in the kitchen. His eyes burn from tiredness but he can't sleep anymore. He thinks about Wonpil, wondering if he should take him back or not. He doesn't want a relationship based off lust alone. His head pops up when the front door opens.

Sungjin quietly greets him, setting his keys on the side table. Young K walks in behind him, keeping his head low. Dowoon watches as Young K drags his feet to his bedroom. Sungjin sighs, flopping down beside Dowoon.

“Can't sleep?” Sungjin asks, getting his phone from his pocket.

“Something like that.” Dowoon replies, picking at underneath his fingernails.

“Want to talk about it?”

“I think Wonpil is pretending we're still together but I don't know if I want that.”

“How so?”

Dowoon shifts awkwardly, not really wanting to talk about his sex life to his friend. “Well-”

Sungjin widens his eyes and nods. “Ah, he made a move and you accepted it.” He watches Dowoon get uncomfortable and amazed at him understanding. “Just tell him you don't want to be with him. At least not right now.”

“This is Wonpil we're talking about.”

Dowoon sighs loudly, sitting back heavily. He leans against a pillow, feeling his eyes get heavy. Sungjin looks over to him a few minutes later, seeing Dowoon sleeping peacefully. He very slowly gets up, quietly walking to his room. His body jumps when he turns the light on to see Wonpil in Dowoon's bed. Wonpil whines and pulls the covers over his head. He extends his arm, looking up when he doesn't feel Dowoon beside him. Sungjin watches as he sits up, confused and groggy.

“Where's Dowoon?” Wonpil blinks heavily. “Never mind.”

He flops back down, turning towards the wall. Sungjin shrugs it off and changes for bed. He slides into his bed, getting his phone out to see a text from Jae.

**Are you awake?**

**No**

**Well wake up. They discharged me early.**

Sungjin sighs loudly before getting back up. He doesn't bother changing back into normal clothes.

Jae sits awkwardly in the lobby of the hospital, waiting for Sungjin. He keeps his head low, incase anyone recognizes him. No one told their managers about this incident and he doesn't want to get in trouble. His legs shake too much so he decides to wait outside, instead. The wind forces him back a bit when he steps outside. He shivers and starts to walk towards the bench to the side of the entrance. A car drives up but he doesn’t pay attention to it as he gets his phone out. Two men walk out and sit next to Jae, one of each side. He slowly looks up and nods, assuming they are just waiting for someone to come out. His leg starts to shake again so he tries to stand up. One of the men grabs his shirt and forces him to sit back down. He holds his breath, trying to stay calm. His body trembles as he feels something hard dig into his side. The man leans over to whisper into this ear.

“If you want to go home, then give us your wallet.” His voice is harsh, sending a chill down Jae’s spine.

“I-I don’t have it. I only have my insurance card.” Jae stares across the parking lot, praying Sungjin will pull up.

The other man starts to reach into his pockets to look for Jae’s wallet. He closes his eyes when he pulls it from his jacket. The man grabs him by the back of the head and throws him to the ground. Jae groans and attempts to crawl away. The man with the gun gets up and goes after him. He blindly shoots at the ground, unsure where he is hitting. They run to their car after Jae lets out a loud cry. He can hear yelling as they drive off.

Jae keeps his head covered with his arms, afraid to stand up. A security guard and the admin nurse run out to him. He slowly looks up to them, feeling tears form in his eyes. They all look as a man rush over, out of breath. He tells the guard that he was able to get the license plate of the car before they got away. The guard calls the police after thanking the man. Jae gets to his knees and the nurse goes to help him up. He thanks her but just ends up sitting down.

Sungjin pulls up to the scene, confused by what he sees. He notices Jae sitting on the ground and jumps out of the car. Jae whines out and pulls himself into Sungjin’s chest. He cries loudly into his shirt. Sungjin looks around to try to figure out what happened. He moves his foot when he feels something metal under his shoes. His eyes widen when he sees a bullet shell.

“Oh shit, what the fuck happened?” Sungjin asks, holding Jae by the back of the head. “Are you okay?”

“No! I got mugged. I told them I didn’t have my wallet and they searched me. One guy threw me to the ground and the other shot at me and-” Jae cuts himself off to cry some more.

Sungjin wipes his tears away and rocks him from side to side. “Shh, it’s okay, baby. Did anyone call the police?” He looks up and the security guard nods.

A few moments later, a police car pulls up behind Sungjin’s car. The officer gets out and walks to the guard. They talk for a few minutes about the situation before the officer looks over to Jae. He smiles. Sungjin picks Jae up and moves him to the bench. He sits beside him and holds his hand while the cop stands in front of them. Jae tries explains what happened calmly, still feeling his his entire body shake. He plays with a bit of skin that scraped up on his hand when he hit the ground.

Dowoon wakes up, still on the couch. His body is sore for the position he was laying in. He gets a sudden wave of depression so he stands up. His headaches as he slips his shoes on and walks out. When he reaches the lobby of the building, he stops Jae and Sungjin walking in. They stop him.

“Where are you going?” Sungjin questions him.

“I need some air.” Dowoon says quietly, keeping his head down.

“Just-be careful. There's two guys out there that attacked Jae.” He pauses. “The police said it was a planned attack.”

“What? What happened?” He looks to Jae, who still looks rough.

“They took my shit. My phone broke when they pushed me to the ground. I'm pissed but I just want to sleep. Just make sure to come home safe tonight.” Jae looks at his bloody palm before patting Dowoon on the shoulder.

The two make their way to the elevator as Dowoon walks outside. He closes his jacket when the cold hits him. As he walks down the road he starts to feel uneasy. After a few minutes he brushes it off, continuing on his path to nowhere. The air makes it hard for him to breathe but he pushes on.

There is a snap behind him when he gets closer to the outskirts of the town. He takes his mask from his pocket and puts it on, assuming a fan is following him. His feet take him towards the cemetery. A few moments later, he realises he doesn't know where to go. He looks around to get his bearings. It's difficult in the dark but eventually he just starts walking.

He checks over his shoulder to make sure no one is following him as he finds Junhyeok's grave. A chill runs up his spine as he thinks about being in a graveyard late at night. He slowly sits down, sighing and looking up at the headstone. His eyes water as the wind blows hard. He shivers when he hears the sound of something running behind him, deciding to ignore it. An owl makes him jump and he shakes his head at how scared he's acting.

As he gets his phone out, something pulls him onto his back. He's caught off guard as someone punches him. His arms protect the next few hits. The man grabs his forearms and pins him to ground. Dowoon attempts to get him off but the man pulls him up and slams him hard against the grass. The breath is knocked out of him and he begins to see stars. Before he can do anything, he man hits him hard against the head with something metal. He completely loses consciousness.

He wakes up a few moments later, in the back of a car. His head is heavy and he is on his stomach, without his jacket. He can feel something on top of him but he can't look back to see what. It's then he notices a hand traveling up his thigh. He yells out and attempts to flip on his back. The man pushes his head down into the seat. Dowoon panics when he man begins to pull at his jeans. He thrashes his body, desperately trying to escape. Tears stream down his face as he claws at the car door. He chokes and coughs as the man grabs his hair. Dowoon feels nauseous as the man begins to violates him.

He stops fighting due to shock and loss of energy. His vision is blurred and he continues to cry out. The whole time, he attempts to distract himself, pretending to be somewhere else. It doesn't work as the man pulls him by the throat and makes him beg for his life. Dowoon swallows hard, seeing a flash of metal in the corner of his eye. He shakes and weakly begs to be let go. The man pushes himself up, cutting the back of Dowoon's shirt. Dowoon holds his breath but screams when the feels the blade dig into his side. He blacks out, coming back to the man still attacking him. The man places the knife to Dowoon's throat as he thrusts himself harder against him. Dowoon cries out in pain and fear for this life. His arms get pulled behind his back after he attempts to open the door again.

“Please, I'm begging you. I won't report this if you let me go.” Dowoon pleads, sniffling hard to keep from crying again.

He closes his eyes as the man grabs him and pushes him out of the car, onto the gravel. Dowoon fixes himself and scoots back, running away as quickly as possible. He doesn't look back, running until he reaches the dorms.

He both hopes no one is awake and someone is at the same time. His head pounds as he unlocks the front door. Sungjin and Jae look up when it opens. Dowoon begins to walk in but stops when he sees them. They greet him but notice something is off.

“Are you okay? Where's your jacket?” Sungjin asks him.

Dowoon says nothing as he slams the door shut. The two jump and he begins to walk to the bathroom. Jae notices the blood on his side and jumps up. He grabs Dowoon by the arm to stop him.

“Please. I promised I wouldn't say anything.” Dowoon whispers. His eyes begin to water and he takes a sharp breath.

“You're bleeding.”

“Yeah.”

Jae stares in shock. “Just tell me what happened.” He looks Dowoon up and down for more wounds, noticing a spot of blood on his head. “I won't tell anyone. I swear.”

He watches a tear roll down Dowoon's cheek. Dowoon tries to stay calm but ends up breaking down. Jae grabs him before he falls and gently lowers him to the floor. He stares in concern as Dowoon completely breaks down. Sungjin runs over and leans down, wrapping his arm around Dowoon's back.

“Please don't make me say it.” He closes his eyes tightly as he remembers what happened. He buries his face in Jae's chest.

“Dowoon- were you-” Sungjin stops Jae mid question.

“You need to report this.” Sungjin tells him.

“They'll kill me if I do.”

There is a loud crash in one of the rooms. They all jump and stare as they hear Young K curse loudly. A few seconds later, he runs out completely panicked.

“Fire! Get out!” Young K yells loudly, running around the room. “Where's Wonpil?” He rushes to the other room and pounces on Wonpil to wake him up. “Get up! There's a fucking fire.”

He rips Wonpil from the bed, not worrying about finding either of them shoes. As they rush out, Young K notices the three still standing in the living room. He yells again, pushing them towards the door. Sungjin pulls away and runs to the fire alarm after he sees the flames from the bedroom. The other four run out, yelling loudly to wake anyone in the building up. They quickly take the stairs to the first floor, reaching the bottom before they notice Sungjin is still upstairs. Jae yells to the second floor, hoping Sungjin can hear him.

Sungjin stares at the flames and the broken glass around the bedroom floor. He sees the neck of a bottle beside Young K's night stand. The heat of the flames forces him to step back. He grabs everyone's car keys from the living room and runs out. People flood out of the building, some calm and some panicked. Some just annoyed they were woken up. They all walk to the boys and ask what happened. Jae hugs Sungjin tightly after he squeezes through the crowd.

“It was a fucking Molotov cocktail.” Sungjin laughs, still in disbelief.

“Jesus Christ. Someone really wants to kill us. What did we fucking do?” Jae shakes his head before laying it on Sungjin's shoulder. “Hopefully the police will figure this out.”

The crowd moves as a firetruck and police cars pull into the parking lot. Sungjin gives everyone their keys. Young K and Wonpil look at him for a few seconds, confused.

“Dude, the dorm gets set on fire and you worry about our car keys?” Young K raises his brow, laughing slightly.

Everyone watches as the firemen enter the building. They boys’ manager pulls up just as the police approach them. Jae looks over at Dowoon, who is shifting around anxiously.

“Dowoon, go sit in your car. You’ve had a rough night.” Jae rubs his arm and tries to smile.

He nods and starts to walk towards his car. Wonpil looks at him, seeing his ripped shirt and the dried blood on his side. No one answers him when he asked what happened to him so he follows him instead. Dowoon feels uncomfortable when Wonpil gets into the passenger's seat. He rests his arms on the steering wheel and sighs. Wonpil stares, concerned about how Dowoon is acting. He reaches over and grabs his shirt to look at the blood closely.

Dowoon stiffens and attempt to pull away. Wonpil just leans closer, starting to get worried. He looks up to Dowoon and stops when he notices him crying. Dowoon turns his head away and stares out the window at the crowd.

“Are you okay?” Wonpil asks. “What happened?”

Dowoon stares silently for a few moments before looking over to Wonpil. “Please, don't tell anyone.” He breathes deeply. “Promise me.”

“I promise. You can trust me.”

“I got attacked at the cemetery.” He stops to keep himself from breaking down.

“What did they do?” His eyes travel up to Dowoon's head, where he sees the blood dried in his hair. He slowly puts his hand to it, making Dowoon wince. “Sorry- that's bad.”

“He-forced me to-” Wonpil waits patiently for him to find the right words. “do things.”

Wonpil stares in shock with his jaw dropped slightly. He pulls Dowoon in for a hug, pushing him deep into his chest. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

“Please, I'm begging you. Don't tell anyone.” He sniffles. “Pretend it didn't happen, like I am.” His entire body shakes as he turns the car on to warm it up. “Don't worry, I'm okay. I'll be okay as long as it's never mentioned again.”

“I love you, Dowoon.”

Dowoon attempts to smile but continues to stare into space. Wonpil turns to see everyone starting to walk back into the building. Young K and Jae walk to the car, knocking on the window. They tell them it's all clear.

Young K stares at the charred wood on the bunk bed. He rushes over to the top bunk, feeling his heart pound. His hands shake when he sees Junhyeok's teddy bear laying on its side, leg burnt. He grabs it and pulls it to his chest. Jae walks in to check the damage, seeing Young K crying. Young K looks at him then back down to the bear.

“Can we fix this? Sew it up so it doesn't lose any more stuffing?” He wipes his tears away.

“Brian, you just lost your bed and your clothes and you're worried about a stuffed animal?” Jae tries not to sound too harsh.

“It was Junhyeok's.” He pauses before running to his nightstand. Jae watches him carefully open it, seeing ash fall off the handle “No. Please don't do this to me.” He pulls out a stack of photos. They are completely damaged from water. “I lost all my pictures. Everything I had left of him, it's gone.”

He falls to his knees but Jae pulls him up to get him away from the debris and ash. Young K stares emotionless at the bed, feeling his stomach twist. Without a word, he walks out, still clutching the teddy bear. Jae goes after him, both stopping when their manager comes through the door. He's holding a paper in his hand.

“What's that?” Jae asks, pointing to it.

“A confession.” He pauses. “It was Junhyeok's cousins that did all of this. They wanted to get revenge because they thought you guys let him die. But explain to me Jae, why were you at the hospital and why was Dowoon walking alone at midnight?”

“I just-I had some pains and wanted to get them checked out. Dowoon couldn't sleep so he took a walk.”

“I was fucking violated by my best friend's cousin?” Everyone turns around when Dowoon walks in from the hallway, over to Young K. “And it wouldn't have happened if you would have let him live?”

“No, Dowoon, it's not my fault. I didn't do anything. He was sick. I couldn't control that.” Young K feels his heart beat speed up. “Wait-what?”

“That man forced himself on me because you didn't make Junhyeok go to chemo! My best friend is dead and I'm scarred for life. All because you didn't take care of him!” He stops to catch his breath. “I wish you burned in the fucking fire.”

Everyone stares in shock as he walks back into the bedroom. Young K feels his body get heavy and his knees give out. He puts his head to the floor and yells out, screaming an apology over and over. The two watch as he slowly stands back up, running to the bathroom. They rush over as he violently throws up before pulling away and shaking.

“It's all my fault. Everything is always my fucking fault.” He whispers putting his head down and crying.

 


	8. Skinny

The boys keep their heads low as their staff leads them out of the courtroom. They try to ignore the reporters attempting to get them to talk. Dowoon trips as a woman takes a picture in his face. Jae and Sungjin help him straighten himself before they all pile into their van. No one speaks as they ride home.

There are still unpacked boxes in their new place, despite them living there for 2 months already. The bedrooms are split up where Young K and Dowoon share a room, Jae and Wonpil share, and Sungjin gets his own room. Although they like it, they are still upset about being forced to move.

Young K walks into his room and sets his jacket on his chair before sitting on the bed. He isn't surprised when Dowoon doesn't come in, knowing he went out to the bar. No one really does anything for the night. Most of them go to sleep. Jae sleeps in Sungjin's bed.

Around midnight, the door to Young K's room opens. He looks up as Dowoon slowly walks in. His head stays low as he quietly closes the door.

“I'm sorry, Younghyun.” Dowoon whispers.

Young K stands and walks to him. “What?”

“For everything I've said and done these past few months. I don't know why I acted that way.”

Dowoon looks up at him through his bangs. Young K can smell alcohol on his breath and it makes him anxious. He stares as Dowoon grabs him and pulls him into a hug. Dowoon shuts his eyes tight and holds his breath to keep from crying. Young K feels the pain in his shoulder but his body fills with emotions as he hugs him back. The two refuse to pull away from each other. Dowoon muffles his cries into Young K's neck, trying to calm himself down.

Finally, he does but he stumbles backwards. Young K catches him before he falls into something. His eyes close halfway and his knees give out. Dowoon groans as he drops down but Young K holds him up by his arm.

“Oh shit. Dowoon, here-lay down.” Young K leads him to his bed, placing him down as gently as possible.

Dowoon breathes deeply as he closes his eyes. His arm falls to the side as Young K pulls away. “I guess this means I should sleep. But I can't sleep. I haven't slept in a week. My body wants me to but-”

He stops as he falls asleep. Young K feels his chest tighten as he sits back on his own bed. He runs his hand through hair, standing up and walking out.

Sungjin wakes up the next morning, arm around Jae's waist. He stretches and pulls him closer. Jae whines, turning over and tiredly looking up at him.

“Morning.” Sungjin's voice croaks from tiredness.

Jae whines again, burying his head in Sungjin's chest. “No.”

“Ah-okay.” He laughs, wrapping his arm back around him. “Sleep as long as you want. But I'm getting up to make breakfast.”

“Hm pancakes do sound nice, you're right.”

“I hate you.”

Everyone slowly emerges from their rooms one by one, following the smell of food. Sungjin watches them all gather in the dining area. Wonpil and Jae don’t even have their eyes open fully. Young K and Dowoon play on their phones while keeping their heads on the table. They all sit up and awaken fully when Sungin walks in with plates in each hand. He sets them down in the middle of the table and walks back to kitchen. Everyone stares, amazed at the amount of food he prepared.

Sungjin sits down and begins to eat, the others following. They quietly enjoy their meal. Jae doesn’t notice Sungjin watching him and eats like normal. Although, they are eating, Young K and Dowoon don’t eat nearly as much as everyone else. Sungjin immediately takes notice.

“Why aren't you guys eating?” Sungjin questions. “You're usually the biggest eaters.”

“I guess I'm not that hungry.” Dowoon shrugs, struggling to keep his head up.

“Maybe I'm just too tired.” Young K says, grabbing his fork and attempting to take another bite.

Jae looks at them and then looks at his half empty plate. He lowers his fork and grabs a napkin. Sungjin sees him spit something into it and shove it under his plate. Jae grabs his water and chugs it, trying to act normal.

Everyone jumps when they hear a loud thud at the end of the table. Dowoon had collapsed onto it. Young K grabs his shoulders and pulls him back into his chest. He smacks his cheek softly, attempting to get him to respond. Wonpil jumps over to him when he weakly opens his eyes.

“Baby, are you okay? Hey, Dowoon? Look at me.” Wonpil holds his face up, feeling his body temperature lower. He checks his pulse as he makes eye contact. “We're gonna take you to your room, okay?”

Sungjin and Wonpil lift him up by his arms and lead him towards the bedrooms. Jae looks over at Young K awkwardly before they both get their phones out.

Wonpil lays Dowoon down onto his bed, checking his temperature one more time. Sungjin looks over at Wonpil and crosses his arm.

“Wonpil, can I talk to you?” Sungjin sighs loudly.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I guess.” Wonpil gets anxious, thinking he did something wrong.

Sungjin looks at Dowoon then back up at Wonpil. He tells Wonpil to follow him to his own bedroom. They walk in and both sit on the bed.

“Listen, I don't want you to get hurt but you really need to stop pretending that you're still with Dowoon. He doesn't want a relationship right now.” Sungjin holds his breath, unsure of how Wonpil will react.

“I just- he didn't say anything. I didn't mean to make him uncomfortable.” He stares at his hands, feeling a lump form in his throat. “He probably gave me so many hints and I was too stupid to understand.”

“You weren't pretending?”

“No. I just thought things were good again.” He hits himself in the thigh. “God! I'm so fucking stupid!”

Jae slowly stands from the table and walks to the bathroom. He checks over his shoulder before closing the door lightly. Young K stares back to the door before quietly making his way over to it, sliding down the wall. He listens to Jae purge his breakfast. Jae plays music and turns the shower on to muffle the noises but Young K can still hear him.

Fifteen minutes later, Jae walks out of the room, jumping when he sees Young K sitting beside the door. Young K stands up and places his hands over Jae’s waist, then his face, feeling his small frame. Jae sniffles, trying to hide his red cheeks and eyes.

“Stop hurting yourself.” Young K whispers.

“I will when you do.” Jae pulls away, walking to his room and slamming the door.

Young K shakes his head and goes after him. He sees Jae place something on his tongue and taking a drink of water. Jae sits on the bed as Young K walks over to him, crossing his arms and staring at him.

“I’ve been sober for a month, Jae.”

“Then why do you still sneak out? To play bingo?” Jae's sarcasm immediately annoys Young K. “I'm not stupid. Okay, so you haven't had a drink in a month but you think I don't know what crushed up pills look like? You're shit at cleaning off the sink.”

“I'm just worried about you, okay? Is that so bad? You're making yourself puke and eating one meal a day. Do you think we don't all notice? You're a fucking skeleton.”

Jae looks down to his hands, playing with his ring. “I'm sorry. I can't help it.”

“Yeah, you can.” He begins to leave and Jae jumps up.

“Where are you going?”

Young K turns around and meets Jae's eyes. “I'm telling Sungjin.”

He starts to leave again but Jae grabs him, pulling him back by his shirt. Young K turns around and stares, scoffing at him. Jae jumps on him when he attempts to leave once more. He yells, wrapping his arm around Young K's neck.

“What the fuck?” Young K coughs. “Get the fuck off!”

Jae forces him to the ground after kicking him in the leg. He punches him in the jaw. Young K grabs his wrists, pushing him away. He's surprised when Jae starts to choke him. Sungjin walks out of his room after hearing the struggle. He looks into the room confused before grabbing Jae by the arms and pulling him up. Young K stands and glares, shaking his head in complete disbelief.

“You fucking need help.” He growls, walking out.

Sungjin pushes Jae over to his bed, making him sit down. “What was that about?”

“Nothing.” Jae refuses to make eye contact with him.

He grabs Jae's face, making him look up. “No. You don't just choke someone for nothing.”

“He threw up.” The two look over to the door to see Young K standing there with his arms crossed. “He panicked because I was about to tell you.”

Sungjin looks back down to Jae. “Are you serious?” They hear Young K walk out, closing the loudly behind him. “I'm not doing this eating disorder bullshit with you, Jae.”

“Then don't. It's not your problem to worry about.” He stands but Sungjin grabs him by the bicep.

“Yes, the fuck it is. Now sit down!” Jae flinches when Sungjin yells but doesn't move.

Sungjin's eye twitches. He doesn't realize his grip is tightening around Jae's arm. Jae winces in pain but Sungjin doesn't let go. He finally loosens his grip but Jae is shocked when he smacks him hard across the face. Jae grabs his cheek and looks at him with tears forming in his eyes.

“I thought you said you'd never do that again?” Jae glares, shaking from both anger and fear.

“I'm fucking tired of this shit.” Sungjin growls, walking out and slamming the door.

Young K walks across the parking lot and over to his car. He gets in but doesn't start it. His phone goes off and it's his friend.

**Are you ever gonna get me that money?**

**I have half now but ill have the rest by friday**

**Ok. You better..**   
**Btw i got something new for you**

**Ok..well im leaving now**

He sighs, knowing he shouldn't go but finds himself pulling out of the lot moments later. The music in his car blasts loudly. After driving for about 10 minutes, he finally turns down the road towards his friend’s house. His friend is sitting on the porch, smoking a cigarette. Young K gets out of his car, shoving his hands in his pocket and walking over. The two nod to each other and Young K sits beside him, taking a cigarette from the pack on the table.

After a few minutes, they go inside and sit in the living room. His friend leans back in his chair and keeps his hands in his pocket. Young K can feel an awkwardness in the air. He pulls his wallet out.

“Here, it’s $150.” Young K holds the money out towards his friend but he doesn’t grab it. “Are you alright?” He slowly sets the money on the table.

“I’m fine.” His tone is flat but he looks over and smiles. “Just stressed and tired.” He pauses, pulling a baggie from his pocket. “Anyway, here, try this. Maybe it’ll be better. And don’t worry, these are on me.”

Young K catches the bag as his friend tosses it to him. He looks at the tablets inside, playing with them before shoving them in his jacket. “Thanks.” His phone goes off and he checks it. “I’m sorry, um, I think something happened at home. I have to go.”

He runs out and rushes to his car, driving away quickly. As he pulls into a gas station, he gets his phone back out, swiping a spam email away from his notifications. He plays with the pills again, getting a bad feeling about them. Rather than throwing them out, however, he just puts them back in his pocket and drives off. When he gets back home, he doesn’t make eye contact with anyone, walking to the kitchen to rummage through the fridge.

Wonpil walks in and jumps, not expecting to see Young K there. They greet each other as Wonpil pulls a protein bar out of the cabinet. Young K stares at all the drinks in the fridge, finally deciding on some aloe juice. He goes to the dining room and sits down, getting his phone out to play a game. His one hand rests in his jacket pocket, playing with the baggie. The phone slips from his hand but he doesn’t pick it up. A wave of sadness causes him to dissociate.

He stares at the phone laying on the floor, completely motionless. His body shakes as he looks up to the corner of the room. He sees Junhyeok standing there, looking at the shelf beside him. Junhyeok’s skin is pale and blood is dripping from his nose. Young K yells out, grabbing an empty glass from the table and throwing it hard against the wall. The glass shatters and the image of Junhyeok disappears. Wonpil rushes over to him and holds him as he cries loudly. Young K hyperventilates, burying his face into Wonpil’s chest. Wonpil rubs his back but is completely confused about what happened.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Wonpil leans on front of him, wiping his tears away.

“Junhyeok. Why-” Young K coughs and cries out again, body shaking so hard he falls from the chair.

Wonpil lowers him to his knees as Sungjin quickly rounds the corner. He asks what happened but Wonpil just shakes his head. Sungin sees the broken glass and walks out to get a broom. He comes back and begins to sweep the mess up. Young K’s crying has stopped but he continues to shake and hold his breath. His face is red and his cheeks are burning. Wonpil makes him take his jacket off and push his sleeves up as he fans Young K’s face.

“I need help.” Young K's voice cracks through his whisper.

Sungjin props the broom against the wall and leans beside Wonpil. “Younghyun, I'm calling our manager tomorrow to schedule a therapy appointment for you. I hate seeing you like this.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“Don’t worry about it. We love you and don’t want you to suffer, anymore.”

Sungjin hugs him and leads him to the living room. Wonpil picks his phone up and follows them. Young K and Wonpil sit on the couch while Sungjin walks towards the kitchen. The two are curious as to what he’s doing, hearing many different noise. A few moments later, he walks back in, carefully holding three bowls of ice cream. He places them on the coffee table in front of each of them. Young K sniffles and slowly grabs a bowl. Wonpil smiles, watching Young K take a bite. Sungjin and Wonpil pick theirs up and eat as well.

The three sit in silence, enjoying the ice cream. Young K feels his body relax with the two staying by his side. He finishes and sets the bowl back down, leaning into Sungjin’s shoulder.

“I don’t know how to express how much I love you guys.” Young K close his eyes and lets out a long sigh. “It’s been hard these past few days.”

Jae wakes up the next morning, and stares at the ceiling. His body feels weak and it’s hard for him to even sit up. He looks over to see Wonpil stirring awake.

“Wonpil?” Jae croaks out, arm falling to the side.

“Yeah?” Wonpil sits up and rubs his eyes, yawning hard.

“I can’t get up. I’m too weak.”

Wonpil gets off the bed and walks to him. “What? Why?”

“I don’t know, I just can’t. Help me.”

He weakly grabs Wonpil’s hand as Wonpil lifts him up. Jae instantly feels nauseous. His head sways forward and his vision blackens. He starts to panic.

“Uh, can you get Sungjin?” Jae’s voice shakes.

Wonpil instantly runs out. Sungjin jumps when Wonpil bursts into his room. He sits up quickly.

“Something’s wrong with Jae.” Wonpil yells.

“What happened?” Sungjin blinks, not fully awake.

“He couldn’t sit up because he was too weak. I don’t know, he just told me to get you.”

Sungjin gets up and goes over to the room. Jae is doubled over with his head in his blanket. He hears the two walk in and feels Sungjin rest his hand on his back.

“Baby, are you okay?” Sungjin speaks softly, rubbing Jae’s back.

“I think I need to go to the hospital.” Jae replies, taking a long breath.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t feel my face and it hurts to breathe.”

Sungjin nods. “Do you want me to call an ambulance or do you want to try to move?”

Jae weakly pushes himself up, feeling his body shake. Sungjin helps him get to his feet. His heart flutters and he falls into Sungjin’s chest. He attempts to pull away but falls to the floor.

“Oh-Okay, I’m calling an ambulance.” Sungjin struggles to set him down comfortably.

Wonpil awkwardly walks to his bed and sits down. He looks down at Jae and feels his stomach twist, scared for his friend. Sungjin calls an ambulance, walking into the hallway and pacing. Young K comes out of the bathroom and notices Sungjin biting at his nails, on the phone. Sungjin hangs up and lets out a shaky sigh.

“Everything okay?” Young K questions.

“I had to call an ambulance for Jae. I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m just trying to stay calm.”

Young K walks into Jae’s room and sees him on the ground. He goes over to him and sits beside him. Jae looks up and attempts to greet him before his head falls back down. Wonpil tells Young K good morning before going back on his phone. Sungjin comes back in and sits on Jae’s bed. They all wait in silence for the ambulance to arrive.

After about 30 minutes, there finally is a knock on the front door. Jae whimpers, feeling anxiety creep up. Sungjin comes back with two EMTs behind him. One leans down in front of Jae. Jae shakes, feeling tears form in his eyes.

“Hey, Jae, I'm Junho. Can you tell me what's going on?” The man speaks softly while the other EMT sets her bag down.

“I don't know, my face is numb and I'm really weak. When I stood up it felt like my heart was going to give out.”

“Okay, did you want to try to stand again our can I have permission to help you outside?”

“Please help. Or let Sungjin help me. I'm just really scared.”

“That's understandable. We'll let Sungjin help you then to make you more comfortable, okay?”

Sungjin nods and walks over. Before they pick Jae up, the other EMT checks Jae's blood pressure. When she sees the results she is shocked. She tells them to get him outside but tries not to panic anyone. Sungjin carefully lifts Jae up, placing his arm over his shoulder. He slowly lets Jae walk out into the hallway. Jae cries out as he starts to have a panic attack.

“Hey, it's okay, you're okay, Jae. Once you're in the ambulance you don't have to worry about standing again.” The EMT tries to keep him calm as they slowly make their way towards the door.

Young K and Wonpil follow close behind, ready for if Jae falls. The two turn when Dowoon walks out of the room, confused by the unfamiliar voices. He doesn't question and walks along with them, making sure Jae is okay. They stay inside as Sungjin helps Jae down the sidewalk. The EMTs assist Jae into the ambulance. His anxiety is at an all time high, making his vision blur even more. A rush goes to his head and his face pales. He falls forward, almost falling off the gurney. Sungjin yells to Jae that he'll be okay before the one EMT shuts the door and gets into the cab.

They drive off and Sungjin walks back inside. He sits on the couch and stares at the wall. The others stare at him.

“Aren't you going to go with them.” Young K asks, slightly shaken up.

“I need a minute.” Sungjin speaks quietly.

He feels with body tremble as he starts to cry. Everyone gathers around him, hugging his sides. He buries his face in his hands ands sobs loudly. No one knows what to say, not used to Sungjin breaking down.

“I can't do this anymore. He is dying because he won't eat.” His words are choppy but he gets them out. “I don't know how to fix this.”

“It's okay. He'll be fine. Come on, let's go, just you and I.” Young K rubs his arm, trying to comfort him.

Sungjin sniffles hard and attempts to wipe his tears. “You can drive.” He laughs, feeling overwhelmed about everything.

Jae shivers violently from the temperature of his hospital room. A nurse had given him a heated up blanket but it doesn’t seem to do anything. Sungjin enters the room slowly, smiling softly. He shuts the door as quietly as possible, walking to Jae’s side. Jae tries to get a proper breath in before weakly taking his hand. Sungjin frown, feeling Jae shivering in his grip.

“You scare the shit out of me.” Sungjin says, trying not to get nauseous again.

“I’m sorry.” Jae’s voice is hoarse from the stomach acid burning his throat, having had thrown up when the nurses tried to get him to drink some juice.

“I need you to get better for me, okay? I know I’ve been a bit hard on your lately, but I was afraid of losing you, too. I shouldn’t have used anger to make you healthy. I really didn’t want to see you in the hospital, almost dead from an eating disorder.” Sungjin rambles, getting his words out more for himself than for Jae.

“I love you, Sungjin.”

“I love you, Jae. This is your chance to recover. I’ll be here for you every step of the way.”

“You’re amazing.” Jae feels his head heavy and lays down fully.

Sungjin pulls the pile of blankets over him as he tries to get comfortable. Jae’s bones poke awkwardly into the bed, making it hard to breathe. He takes long and slow breaths, feeling his chest ache. Sungjin kisses his forehead and he relaxes slightly. Jae closes his eyes and is forced asleep by the medicine in his IV.


	9. Toxicity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello yes I am alive

“Alright, Jaehyung, I just need you to sign here for your discharge and you'll be all set.” The nurse hands him a clipboard and he signs on the small line. “And we will see you in a few days for your check up.”

Jae nods and slowly stands. He had already changed into the clothes his manager had brought for him. Sungjin and their manager stand by the door, smiling softly. Jae wraps his arm around Sungjin's waist as they make their way outside.   
“We’re going to stop and get something to eat on our way home.” Sungjin tells Jae, not going to take no for an answer.

Their manager follows them back to their apartment after getting lunch together. The three sit in the living room in silence for a few minutes before they are interrupted by Young K walking in. He looks to their manager and asks to speak with him alone. Jae and Sungjin share glances before walking out of the room. Young K sits beside his manager and stares at the floor.

“I think I want to quit.” Young K’s voice is quiet so the boys can’t hear him.

“Why do you say that?” His manager sits back and crosses his leg.

“I really don’t think I can do this without Junhyeok. He’s the reason why I stayed in the band and-” He stops to take a deep breath. “I’m not strong enough for this, anymore. I’m ruining my body to keep my mind somewhat sane.”

“Younghyun. I know things have been hard for you this year but I also know you’re strong enough to keep pushing through. Junhyeok wouldn’t have wanted you to quit. He even told me that he was afraid that you’d all give up, which was the last thing he wanted.” He sets a hand on Young K’s back. “Your comeback is in a few weeks. Try to get through those promotions and then make a decision. Not just for the company, but for yourself and your members.”

Young K nods and thanks his manager before walking out. He goes to his room and lands face first into his bed. The door opens and he turns to look. Wonpil stands in the doorway awkwardly.

“Oh-sorry. I thought Dowoon was here.” Wonpil says quietly.

“He’s in your room.” Young K replies, falling back into his bedding.

“Thanks.”

Wonpil closes the door and walks to his own bedroom, wondering why Dowoon would be in there. He feels anxious but doesn’t hesitate to open the door. Dowoon is laying on his bed, legs to his chest. His headphones are in and his eyes are closed. Wonpil goes over and sits down slowly. Dowoon jumps and stares over to him. Wonpil leans forward and takes one of the earbuds out.

“We should just be friends. Our relationship never seems to end well.” Dowoon sighs.

“I feel stupid that I didn’t notice all the signs you were giving me.” Wonpil puts his head down. “I understand if you don’t want to be in a relationship, Dowoon. I wish you had told me sooner though. It would have caused less confusion and heartbreak. Because I love you and I always will. I’ve been an absolute moron these past few months but I’m not going to use any excuses to get you to stay with me.”

“I appreciate that. I’ll always love you, too but- maybe we should erase the memories we’ve had as a couple.”

“I hurt you that badly?” His chest aches as Dowoon just stares tiredly. “I’m so sorry.”

“As much as I know this is a stupid idea, I want to spend one more night in your arms. Just sleep peacefully again while lying against your chest. Because as much as I don’t want to be us anymore, you’re the only warmth and comfort I know.” He takes a deep breath. “And I really need that, right now.”

Wonpil holds his breath to keep from tearing up. His heart aches as he crawls into his bed. Dowoon moves over and slowly lays across his chest, wrapping his arm around Wonpil's body. He breathes deeply and closes his eyes. Wonpil pets his head while listening to Dowoon's breaths get lighter as his body relaxes. They both lay there is complete silence until they fall asleep.

The next night, Jae walks down the hall, careful not to make much noise. He makes his way towards the kitchen, checking behind his shoulder after turning the light on. The fridge creaks as he opens it, making him hold his breath. He reaches in, pulling out half a cake as well as the burger he didn’t eat at dinner.

He carefully unwraps it all and begins to eat, barely stopping to breathe. Frosting and crumbs fall on his lap as he shoves the cake into his mouth. He stops and takes a few deep breaths, feeling a cramp in his stomach. His hands shake as he grabs a large bottle of water and chugs it. He throws the food in the trash and runs to the bathroom.

His body trembles as he purges everything away. He doesn’t stop until he only sees stomach acid, along with small specks of blood. Before we walks out of the bathroom, he makes sure he can’t hear anyone. He opens the door and jumps when he sees Dowoon staring at him. Dowoon says nothing and slaps him hard across the cheek. He walks away, going into his own room. Jae holds his breath and walks the opposite way down the hall.

Sungjin wakes up early the next morning. He looks down to see Jae wrapped around his waist, sleeping very peacefully. Jae groans as Sungjin gently shakes his shoulder to wake him. He blinks a few times to get his eyes to focus.

“What?” Jae whines. “Why am I awake?”

Sungjin chuckles and rolls his eyes. “You have a doctor’s appointment.”

Jae jumps up and stares at him. “Shit. What time?”

“You have an hour to wake up and get dressed. It’s not until 8am.”

Jae rips out of the bed and runs to his own room. He is careful not to wake Wonpil as he tries to find his biggest hoodie. Anxiety creeps up in his chest, knowing he’s lost weight instead of gained. He grabs his phone from the charger and looks up ways to make himself appear heavier. His hands shake as his heart pounds in his chest. Sungjin catches him running to the bathroom as he goes to the kitchen to make a quick breakfast for the two of them.

Sungjin hears the faucet running for a really long time in the bathroom but just assumes Jae is washing his face. After another 10 minutes, Jae finally comes out and greets Sungjin.

“I know you can’t eat until after your appointment but I still made a quick fruit salad for you and also have a granola bar. Do you want me to take them with us so you can eat them in the car or wait until we get back?” Sungjin holds a tupperware container up.

“Just leave it here. I’m not really hungry. It’s too early.” Jae awkwardly walks to the living room to get his shoes.

Sungjin notices his anxiety but doesn’t say anything about it. They sit on the couch for about 40 minutes before they start to leave. Jae runs to the kitchen and grabs a bottle of water. He drinks it extremely fast and walks to the from door. Again Sungjin shrugs this off and the two make their way to the car.

The ride is very quiet. Jae shivers with both coldness and anxiety. He stares out of the window while bouncing his knee uncontrollably. Sungjin notices and decides to speak up this time.

“Why are you so anxious? All they’re gonna do is weigh you and take your vitals basically.” He side eyes him with confusion.

“I just don’t like doctors.” Jae replies quietly.

Sungin doesn’t respond, just shaking his head. He knows something is up but he knows Jae won’t tell him. They get to the clinic and Jae feels his stomach twist. His face pales and his cheeks start to numb. Sungjin leads him to the doors and they go inside. Jae awkwardly walks to the counter and checks in before sitting down beside Sungjin in the waiting room. They both play on their phone until the doctor finally calls for Jae. He very slowly stands, following the nurse to the back.

“Alright, Jaehyung. I’m gonna get your weight and also check your vitals. Just need to see your arm for the blood pressure cuff so can you please take your hoodie off?” The nurse says to him, waiting patiently.

He slowly takes the hoodie off, placing it over his stomach to not show it. The nurse wraps the cuff around his very small arm. She starts the machine and Jae feels it tighten. He winces as it continues, having to press against straight bone. The nurse takes his temperature as well as measures his oxygen levels while the machine keeps going. It finally releases. The nurse silently writes the stats down.

“Okay. Now, I need you to step on this scale.” She points to the scale beside him.

His legs shake as he stands, knowing his blood pressure read extremely low. He can feel water slosh around in his stomach as he sets the hoodie on the examination table. The nurse moves the weights until they balance. She writes down the results and walks out after telling him the doctor will be in shortly.

He gets his phone out and plays a game to try to decrease his anxiety, putting his hoodie back over his torso to warm him up. After a few minutes, a second nurse comes in with a handful of empty vials and a needle. She sets them on the bed and asks to see Jae’s arm. After trying to find a vein in his arm, she unfortunately has to try his hand. After painfully digging for awhile, she finally sticks it. Jae holds his breath as she slowly fills the tubes. She finishes and apologizes, thanking him before leaving.

Again, he waits for the doctor. Another 40 minutes pass and the door finally opens. The doctor stands there, smiling. He closes the door and continues to stare with his arms crossed.

“Mr. Park, how much water did you drink before you came in?” The man leans against the wall.

“I only had a small glass.” Jae replies, refusing to make eye contact as he slips his hoodie back on.

The doctor walks over and presses on his stomach. “Your stomach is really extended. Does it hurt when I press on it?”

Jae shifts uncomfortably beneath him. “No, sir.”

“Jaehyung, I’ve been doing this job for 12 years. I know when someone tries to make themselves weigh more. So, why don’t you go to the bathroom and we can weigh you again then discuss some other concerns I have.”

He opens the door and points to the bathroom down the hall. Jae stands and silently makes his way. His body trembles, completely in shock that the doctor knew immediately. He stares at his reflection in the mirror, feeling ashamed with himself. A few tears escape but he wipes them away quickly. He comes out and hangs his head as he walks back in.

“Go ahead and take your hoodie off, I’m gonna take your body measurement. Your bmi measured just below 17 which means you’ve actually lost weight since your discharge.”

Jae says nothing as he tugs the hoodie over his head. The doctor begins to measure different parts of his body: waist, hips, bicep and thigh. They both stay quiet for the whole thing. After writing down Jae’s stats, the doctor tells him to get onto the scale. He shuffles his feet. Afterwards, the doctor asks him to take a seat.

“So, your lab still shows pretty bad amenia which means I know you’re not taking your iron pills. Also your blood pressure was dangerously low, another reason why I know your stomach wasn’t full of food. With your BP mixed with your glucose levels, I’m actually shocked you’ve been able to move without passing out.” He closes his folder and attempts to smile. “If your stats don’t go up by the next appointment, we might have to admit again. This time for much longer.” He pauses. “Actually, I think I’d feel more comfortable just giving you an NG tube so I know you will actually be treated.”

Jae nods slowly. “Yes, sir.”

“I know I’m sounding harsh but this is just me trying to save your life. I’ve dealt with deaths from eating disorders and I really don’t want to see a young man with a dream career lose his life. Do you understand what I’m getting at?”

“Yeah.”

The doctor stands. “Alright, well I’m going to get my nurse to install that and I’ll print out some information on the NG tube because it can be a bit tricky. Maybe give it to your boyfriend so he can keep an eye on it.”

He leaves. Jae immediately breaks down, crying loudly into his hoodie to muffle it. A few moments later, a different nurse walks in. She tries to soothe him, telling him it’s for the good of his health.

“Why don’t you go ahead and blow your nose so it’s not as snotty for me?” She hands him a box of tissues.

“Thanks.” He sniffles.

She sets up everything and explains the tube very basically. “Alright, so I’m gonna put some jelly on this and then stick it in your nose. I need you to be still for me and try to breathe very slowly. It’s going to feel a bit weird and there will be a lot of pressure.”

Jae nods and she puts it in with no issues. The doctor come back in as the nurse is cleaning up.

“Ah good, it went in smoothly.” He nods. “Here's some info on it. It's basically like getting an IV but instead it's food going into your stomach. Thankfully, I checked and your insurance provider will cover the equipment such at the monitor and stand.”

He continues to explain in more detail while Jae tries to focus. His head pounds, feeling defeated.

Sungjin is surprised when Jae comes out with a tube in his nose and an IV stand with a pouch filled with a pinkish, brown liquid. There are tears in Jae's eyes as he keeps his head as low as possible. Neither of them speak as they make their way out to the car. They struggle to figure out how to get the stand into the car, Jae just clamping and unhooking the tube to put it in the back.

Jae says nothing as he walks into the apartment, going straight to Sungjin's room and going back to sleep. Sungjin sits on the couch, reading the stack of papers about the NG tube. As he sit in silence for about ten minutes, Wonpil comes from his room and sits down across from him. They greet each other before Wonpil gets curious about the papers.

“Jae had to get an NG tube -like when Junhyeok had that tube up his nose to feed him. So this is just a bunch of info about it.” Sungjin sighs.

“Oh, that sucks.” Wonpil frowns, not sure what to say.

“If he didn’t get it, he was going to be forced back into the hospital and gotten it anyway. I’m kinda annoyed he faked recovery but I’m glad he is actually going through it now.”

Wonpil nods and pats his friend on the back before grabbing his things. He tells Sungjin he will be back and leaves. After another minute or two, Young K throws his door open. He runs out, looking under tables, chairs, and between cushions.

“Can I help you find something?” Sungjin gives him a puzzled look.

Young K runs his hands through his hair. “In my jacket, there was a small bag. It had these pills that I think my friend was trying to poison me with. I know that sounds crazy but they’re gone. I can’t fucking find them.”

Sungjin stands and looks under where he sat but finds nothing. “Where did you last have them?”

“My jacket’s always hanging on my chair but it was on the ground when I woke up. Dowoon hasn’t seen them and Wonpil would kill me if he knew I had them.”

“Did you ask Jae?”

They both stare at each other before running to Jae’s bedroom. Jae jumps and looks up to them as the door is thrown open. Young K starts to rip through his closet and drawers. Jae stands and loudly questions him.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He pushes Young K’s shoulder.

“Where are they?” Young K growls.

“What?”

“Those pills from my jacket. They weren’t meant to be taken.”

Jae scoffs. “ I didn’t take your fucking drugs. Besides, I just got fucking home.”

Young K looks up to him and stops, seeing the tube shoved into his nose. He straightens himself and stands back. “Sorry, maybe they just-fell out of my pocket.”

He quietly leaves, keeping his head low. Jae blinks a few times before sitting back on his bed. Sungjin stands there for a few minutes before awkwardly leaving. He walks into his room, covers his head with his blanket and takes a nap.

Young K grabs his phone and texts Wonpil while still looking around the apartment. After checking every corner twice, Wonpil finally texts back.

**I have them right here. I’m getting rid of them.**

“Fuck.” Young K grabs his keys and runs out of the building.

He attempts to call Wonpil but he doesn’t answer. Instead, it seems he turned his phone off after replying.

Wonpil sits down on the ground in front of Junhyeok’s tombstone. He smiles and pats the dirt.

“Younghyun promised you he would get better for you but it bothers me that none of us promised the same. But I feel like if we did, we all would have broken it.” He plays with the small plastic bag stolen from Young K’s pocket. “We all seem to be doing things to numb the pain. Jae starves himself, Dowoon drinks until he passes out, Sungjin ignores everything, Younghyun is a druggie. What do I have?”

He crushes the pills with his palm. They turn to powder inside the bag. He proceeds to dump some of it on the back of his hand.

“At most, I can stop my friend from his own habits.”

He brings the hand to his nose, quickly snorting it. His face contorts as he shakes off the pain, sneezing almost immediately.

“This also isn't my first time fucking my life up.”

Before anyway comes by, he dusts the rest off on his jeans and wipes his face semi clean. He sighs and lays down backwards into the grass. His body trembles as the drugs slowly take over.

A sharp pain surges over his chest making him cough violently. His breathing quickens, along with his pulse as his arm begins to twitch. He sees a figure approach him but can't focus his eyes to tell who it is.

Young K runs up, grabbing Wonpil's wrist and pulling his torso up. He nearly loses his grip as Wonpil is covered in sweat. Wonpil's head falls into Young K's shoulder. He pulls his arms around him and hugs as tightly as he can. Young K does the same.

“How do you feel?” Young K asks with a twitch of his lip.

“Numb.” Wonpil muffles in the cloth before looking up at him. “Finally.”

He feels a lump form in his throat before tears begin to fall down his cheeks. Young K holds him close, rubbing his back to try to soothe him. He also chokes up, looking over to Junhyeok’s headstone. He’s immediately hit with a wave of guilt. If he had stopped doing drugs, he wouldn’t have broken his promise. If he had gotten better, he wouldn’t be holding his friend while they have a bad reaction to the drugs from his jacket.

Another surge runs through Wonpil's body, forcing him to gasp out. He pulls away and crawls away from the grave and to a patch of grass. Young K watches as he throws up stomach acid. Wonpil turns back to him but feels blood drip from his nose. He wipes the blood, smearing it across his cheek and sniffles hard.

“At least I'm still numb.” He half chuckles before falling sideways into the grass.

Young K panics as Wonpil's body begins to seize. His head slams against the ground and he coughs on the blood he accidentally inhaled. Young K quickly calls an ambulance while making sure Wonpil stays on his side so he doesn’t choke anymore. While waiting, he takes his jacket off and places it over his friend to keep him warm. He tries to wipe the sweat from Wonpil's face as he attempts to control his own shaking.

He looks up to see two men approach them, one carrying a large bag. They greet them and lean down. The one asks Young K to step away as they roll Wonpil on his back.

“So, what happened?” One asks, pulling Young K's jacket off of Wonpil.

“I think he snorted something that was meant to kill me.” Young K answers honestly. “That or some sort of fucking opioid. Oxy? I don’t know!”

“How was it supposed to kill you?”

“Sketchy friend that I owe money to. Anyway, can we focus on Wonpil?”

“Don’t worry, we’ll help him out. Is this normal behavior for him?” The other EMT ushers him to come over to him to talk.

“No, he’s never done drugs that I know of.”

The EMT searches in his bag for a cloth to clean the blood from Wonpil's nose while the other gets out a narcan. He quickly injects it and Wonpil jumps awake, coughing and gasping for air. The EMT places the mobile oxygen mask over his face, telling him to relax. Everyone helps him to his feet, walking him down the path to the ambulance. Young K keeps a tight grip on his arm, not sure how he is supposed to feel. His face pales as he gets in his own car, ready to follow them to the hospital. He takes a few shaky breaths before starting the car.

Wonpil looks up to the EMT as he is strapped into the gurney. He is no longer numb and feels extremely nauseous His body shivers violently from both the chemicals coursing through his veins as well as the coldness of the vehicle. In less than a minute, they are at the hospital. Young K runs over and meets them as they walk towards the ER doors. Wonpil keeps a tight grip on his arm as he is taken to a room. He keeps his head down as they pass other rooms filled with people and their families.

Young K helps him lay in the bed, placing his jacket back over his torso. He looks to Wonpil and tries to smile.

“Please don't tell the others. Especially Dowoon.” Wonpil lets out a long sigh, fogging the mask.

“I promise if you promise never to do this again.” Young K sits in the chair beside the bed.

“Okay.”

 


End file.
